I just can't win. The deck is stacked. I started to try to date but I just don't thiink anybody in my situation should be worried about that. I can't talk about that.
I'm a gemini if you were wondering. When I'm good I'm really good. When I'm bad I'm really bad. I don't believe in astrology... but it does seam to fit in my case.
I was listening to the Blues. Albert King. I think that about says it all.
I pulled a muscle in my back so I haven't felt like posting in a while. I try to refrain from foul language here using my online persona but I got to to say it.
"It hurt like sh*t!"
I do realize that it wouldn't be hard to figue out who I am. I just like using my chess handle.In other news a new video by this guy in Texas was talking about the benefits of medical marijuana. I have to say he made valid points. I definitely needed something. Spasms and pulled muscles don't mix. I think the positives outweigh the negatives sometimes.
I want what ever time I have left on this planet to be as comfortable as possible. Marijuana would be better for my liver than most of the other stuff I'm on.
During the time I was in pain I made a call to my daughters mother. I made a offer to hire her as my nurse. I said something crazy that I will have to apologize for. I said something about being comfortable around her and maybe I might want to squeeze part of her female anatomy or something.
At least I asked if she was single. I was in pain.
I was just thinking about my exes... again. I have way too much free time.
I thoaght about my first girl friend. We talked on the phone a lot and kissed 5 or six times a day. Then there was the older woman. She was 21 and I was 15. She was beautiful.
Right after her was the girl I call my fist love. after that I was off to the races. At least I'm honest about it.
I really should be using this space to write about my MS. It all is tied together for me. Sometimes it is hard for me to seperate the diffrent aspects of my life. I'm 35 and I haven't had a girl friend in yeaars.
I have been tired a lot latly. I just started PT. I am trying to concentrate on the stretches.
I had Physical Therapy today and I can't even do the stretches. I hope I get better with time. The therapist will be back on friday. I just wanted to post something. My internet has been out.
I am going to post my music but circumstances bryond my control are delaying my plans. I hope I'll be ready in a month.
I have all of my dreams when I am awake. I guess I am a dreamer. It's a good thing I do. I don't really sleep all that well.
My daughter Jasmine showed me some of the songs she wrote so I showed her an old cassette tape of myself. I think she is inspired now. I am too.
I am going to get my home studio together again. I can't really play like I used too so I will have to change my process a little. I think I will try ambient computer music with riffs and vocals of a few friends sprinkled in. I will post a song here I just need time.
I have sent an apology to my ex-girlfriend today. She was my first love and when it ended I acted like a complete fool. It was the beginning of a pattern I was to repeat latter in life.
I did try to apologize a long time ago while we were still in school, but I couldn't be around her or speak to her or I would do something to make my apology meaningless. The best I could do was stay away. Hopefully time has made this apology sincere
Sometimes I think I acted the way I did because of depression I was experiencing due to the onset of my MS. I know depression can be a part of MS. Either way I am still responsible. Mass murderers don't get an out and neither do I.
I probably shouldn't compare myself to killers. I do joke and call myself crazilynsane but "I just a'int that crazy."
I found my exes name when I signed up for a facebook account. I'm going to try out their social network. I might meet other MS'ers.
I called it wrong. The boxing match between Ricky Hatton and Manny Paquieo( I can't spell... cut me some slack ) didn't make it past the 2nd round. You could see it coming. Ricky wants to dish out all of the punishment. Unfortunatly for him there are two people in a boxing match. You have to duck sometimes.
Game seven of the NBA finals is on so I have to go. I want the Lakers to win. If they loose I am contplating suicide (not really). I didn't think it would be this hard.
I have to go. I will write more latter. I might even write about my MS. I will go into greater detail. I am trying to be quik now.
My daughter Jasmine is a varsity cheerleader for the Nelson County Govenors. She found out today. She is acting nonchalant about it but I can tell she is really happy.
I posted video but it didn't come out too good. It doesn't matter. It lets the kids use thier imaginations. If you have to dream then dream big. That is my motto. Now all we need to do now is work on following through.
I know I didn't sound that great. You could hear me getting anoyed. They named a butterfly stupid! They didn't get it from me. The most I can say is they got my grumpy pessamistic atitude. At least they know I love them.
I have been forgeting words a lot. I can think of every word but the word I want.
I am about to go but before I do I just have to say I thoaght the song my daughter Jasmine wrote and sang in the video was good. I think it is about me.
I have been trying to edit the Video that the kids and I took. It hasn't been going well. Windows Movie Maker is not compatible with the format of the Movies I shot. I think it was but I stored them in the quick time format. I had to. I should be able to post something but it will not be edited.
What do I look like, the evil hacker computer genius? I had a DR's appointment yesterday. My DR wants an mri. The metal I have in my head might cause problems. My DR needs to talk with my surgon.
I boaght my daughter Jasmine a laptop. Now Lilly wants one. Maybe in a couple years.
I have new video of The kids and I raising and releasing butterflies. I am going to post it but I still need to edit the video. It will have to wait. Lilly is in the computer room playing her music (if you can call it that). I'll have video soon.
I have a Dr's appointment Monday. I'll be seeing my new neurologist. I have to be sure to bring up the pain I have in my foot.
I have been hanging out with an old friend. All my old friends are hoodlums and up to no good. What does that say about me?
I am a 35 year old black male with mulriple sclerosis. I have two daughters. My biologic daughter and her sister who I have gotten custody of. I use a walker or I use a wheel chair for longer distances. I keep this web log as a way to deal with MS as well as to share my experiances. Please scroll down to read my diary or read a blog from my blog list.
