I wil not get angry...I will not get angry...

Are you guys ready. My complaints are many today. I don't want to but I feel like I have to...complain. I think I was born to do it. Life just ain't far! I'll keep it to a minimum.

I had a Friend help clean the down stairs of my mothers house. It is a lot better than it was. He still is not finished. He will be here soon ( that means I have to go soon, ya lucky duck). He is starting up a cleaning/ janitorial company. Shawn, my friend has experience doing that type of work. His father has his own business. He and I both worked there when we were in our teens.

I am thinking about starting my own company too. I want to make homes handicapped accessible. I might try to do business or commercial work too. I know there must be a market out there for it. I'm disabled myself.

I am not sure I could get the money together to start something like that up. I might even want to get into real estate.

I don't know. I need to write a business plan. I use to be a carpenter so I can see it might be possible. I know I will not be the one swinging any hammers though.

So close yet so far away...

I think I have a general idea about what I want to do with my blog but I just can't seem to get it to work. I am looking into AdSense, photo slide shows, and maybe a few feeds from some of the Internet sites I like like Google or MSN. I am also worried about leaving my computer open to hackers or someone with evil intentions.

So far so good. I'm trying to be careful.

I may need to break down and hire someone to increase my blog size and capability. I am just doing the blog thing for fun but if it has my name attached to it it should be something worth having.

Hopefully I will be able to preserve some of my artistic type control over this project. It goes without saying that it's gotta be cheap.

Still learning...

I have some drastic changes I want to make to my blog but I want to make sure I do it right. I'm looking at adding video but I'm not sure how. I don't know which way to go. U tube or video Google. They are both Google now, right? I am going to have to start asking questions. I don't have a video camera yet anyway.

I'm still trying to add a slide show of some of my favorite pictures to my blog. I was also looking into editing my blog with an ad on to word. I found out somewhere that the add on doesn't work with Blogger Beta. Just like usual I am a day late and a dollar short on that one.

I had some ideas that I thought could improve my humble blog. I have already mentioned the video and the slide show. A list of my favorite movies or activities might be nice. I also think I want to add to my daughters blog. I'm just thinking... Since I got MS I have a lot of time to ponder the big questions.

Her shoes are tied!

I deserve a medal or an award or something. After a month and a half of trying Lilyiana my step daughter has tied her shoes. I changed the steps a little and something clicked. She got it.

Now we need to work on the toilet problems and her listening problem and we should be looking pretty good.

I guess making sure the girls get raised properly gives me purpose. I get angry when I see them not living up to their potential. I don't want to be a slave driver, but they must understand that there are standards. Hopefully we will achieve a healthy balance. I plan to try and be there so we do.

MS has changed my life but the game isn't over.

Ticked off + P.O.'ed as usual.

I just came inside from trying to get the leaves up with the lawn tractor. The grass catcher was not working. I was mechanically inclined but I avoid any type of physical work now. Getting off the tractor and fixing the problem is not an option.

I have also been trying to get my STEP daughter Lilly how to Tye her shoe laces. She just doesn't seem to get it. I'm not sure if she is slow or if is because she will not pay attention. I'm not sure if I should call her my daughter or not. She is not blood she is my daughter's sister. I do have custody of her. Her mother may never get them back. I wish she would stop lying about it. ...I have to change the subject.

This blog will be better if it kills me (it might). I am trying to add a picture slide show and a link to Items I might sell on eBay. I'm still working on it.

Bills bills,bills

A bill for $3,000 dollars came to me in the mail yesterday. I had to a double take when I saw it. I can remember it like it was yesterday...(it was)

3,000 dollars! Do they mean pesos? What is the exchange rate?

I still have a headache.

I have been doing a little research today. I'm going to add a slide show to my blog. I might even try to put some video on it. After I changed to blogger beta It is easier to make changes, but I still have problems.

I'm not sure how much space on the blog. I think video would eat up a lot of space. I don't know how to make my google calander accesable on my blog.

I would also like too add a family history blog and a chess blog.

Chess is one of my hobies. I am ok but I'm not as good as I once was. I think it might be because of the whole M.S. thing. I was just good I was never the best. I guess it's relative. Among real chess players I was never the best.

The problblem with being James

The problem with being James is I always have something to complain about. I think I bring a lot of my problems on myself, or I make them worse. Life has not been fair to me in any case. I mean I didn't plan for the MS thing at all.

You could make the argument that I should have been better prepared with insurance and financialy. I did not accomplish much in my life so far. My family cituation should have been better I know.

I have two kids now and I need to think for them as well as myself. I know all of this but I don't know how. The answers just elude me.I can not really take care of myself.

Jasmine my oldest and biological daughter seems to be adjusting well. She is 12 years old and very opinionated. She got four A's and three B's on her last report card. I am taking all the credit for that one. Thank You. I made a blog for her at http://jasmines-links.blogspot.com/ .
I suppose Lilly will want one too now.

Lillianna (Lilly) has been having problems. She turns seven on Jan. 1. She has already failed kindergader and is not potty trained. I don't know if somthing may have happened to her or If she is just a product of the neglect that happened at her mothers house. She may have a biologic problem.

Lilly is not my daughter biologicly. I think she has started to call me DADDY. I am O.k. with that but I'm not sure I heard her correctly. I asked her once but she didn't repeat it. Jasmine may not like it. she always refers to me as her daddy.

Two kids!

After the court hearing yesterday I gained custody of my exgirfriends two kids. Only one of the children is mine. I am not sure wether to be happy or not. Two kids is more than I can really handle by myself with my disability. I am lucky to have my mothers help.

I appeciate my mothers help,but now she has most of the say about how they are raised. I gave her joint custody of both of the children. It wouldn't care except she has ideas concernig them that I don't always agree with. I didn't have a good enough position to object when she suggested that she be granted joint custody.

She was in the courtroom because she gave me a ride there. I am living in her house and am dependant on her. I was lucky she didn't ask for more.

I wished too hard.

My daughters social worker will be coming over tomorrow. We will be discussing taking my daughter and her sister out of their mothers house.

Apparently their mother has a drug problem. I have been fueling the problem. I give Cindy their mother a little extra money out of my social security check evry month. I felt I had too. The amount i was reqired to pay every month was not that much.

I am only the father of one of the two girls. I don't want the sisters split up, but they may have to be. i am not really sure can taecare of them even if I get cstody of both of them.

Just Bored...

I'm just bored. I must be. I am adding to my blog. I have had plans on making this blog a more interesting space. I also wanted to create a family history blog. I am not getting the help from my daughter I was hoping for. I get tired too easily. Typing one handed sucks.

Jamine my daughter starts school this month. I need too keep an eye on her. She really diusapointed me last year. I have had a talk with her, and I think she is going to try to do better. If I see any sign that she is not doing what she needs too I'm going to have to take drastic measures. I don't know what exactly.

I'm tired already. It is 5 am. I should have known. I have crazy sleep paterns, but this is extreme even for me. Maybe I'll have a dream. Ialways prefer to be perpendicular to the square. (Imaginary space or imaginary numbers) I doubt it. I will have to mention this with my dr.

Why does everything have to be hard?

I'm not going to complain about my hopeless existance, I swear. I was just wondering that's all.

I am in the process of burnig cd's and having my songs converted to a format compatable with my ipod. It is aggrivating and that is putting it mildly. Not only is it a waste of blank cd's, it is also time consuming. There has to be an easier way. I should have known it was too good to be true. I thought I was going to have istant access to all of the songs on my PC on my ipod. It advertiseed as bieng compatible. It is not completely compatable.

It would have been nice to know.

I am going to Texas for the family reunion on my mothers side. I live in Virginia so it will be a long trip. We are going to drive. It would be nice to take my songs with me.

Other than that, I dont have much to say ( HOORAY! )

My MS symtoms are about the same. I was thinking it would be nice to have a secratery. I wouldnt have to worry about my spelling, or the gramatical mistakes I know I make. I'll just put my daughter to work. I'll even pay her.

Why am I always angry?

I can't have anything! My team lost the NBA championship yesterday. It's not my team really, but I did pick them to win. That is almost just like it. I like to at least appear to know what I'm talking about. All I wanted to do was watch a good game and drink a few beers with my brother, but fair is fair. I do not cosider the game I watched last night a fair game. I guess It is just another grievance I have with life in general.

I swear I can't have anything (Did I al ready say that?). The whole MS thing is bad enough(Prepare yourself...im going to start complaining). I have double vision and my jump around like...well im not sure how to explain it. My balance and coordination are nonexistant. My right hand and left foot are worse then my left hand and right foot. Wouldn't you know it Im rigght handed. Iam typing this post with my left hand. I can't really use voice recognition software because of my speach problems. "AURGHHHH!".

Im finished with my tyraid so I guess my many fathful readers can relax now. That wasn't that bad was it?

I need to come up with a plan. I need an idea so dareing and brilliant that I could still acomplish all of the goals I set for myself before I was diagnosed with MS. My daughter will be financially takeken care of, I will make great and thought provoking music, and I might actually get a date, or dare i say it ... a girlfriend.

At least I can still dream...

OMG!

It was my birthay sunday May 28, so my freinsds tricked me. They had been planingfor a long time. They had me thinking we were going to a freinds house on saterday night. we actually went to a strip bar. They got my a**. It was crazy... I don't get out much so amplify the crazy statement by at least three. That's all I'm going to say. It was nice to know I'm still one of the fellas.

I am 32 now (no old jokes please). The only thing that didnt happen that I would have liked was my daughter didn't call me on my birthay. Iwill have to talk to her. I was thinking about getting her an ipod but now I don't think so. She doesn"t deserve one anyway. (under my breath, " Little rug rat ".)

I just thaught I would make a post about my crazzy b day... and then I'm out.

@#$! %&#$ #$^%!

Those are all curse words... You can substitute the ones you like. I'm angry about my video ipod. I boaght it online last week but I didn't recieve it until yesterday. I can't get my wma files into it. I have a thousand songs that i can't play on my ipod. if i cant get them into my ipod its going back. I called custumer service but they couldn't help. the songs are all write protected. I spent 40 min on the phone so she could tell me that. It was doublely aggrivating becouse of my MS related speach problems. She told me that I should talk to microsoft tech support. They want me to pay. I didnt buy anything from them. Damn!...They can all kiss my ass.

Sorry I lost it. I think I'll see if I can get help at the tech tv message boards. There will hopefully be someone who will help there. I spent 400 dollars on the video ipod and a fm transmitter fot the car so I definatly need help . I don't care where it comes from. My life is ...crazilynsane.

I need to get organized!

It is true. My lack organizational skiills is legendary. I am procrastination man. Never do today what you can do tomarrow. I have been thinking about making changes around here for the longest time. I am going to be expanding this blog to into a small web ring of blogs covering my entire life (I am a shameless exhibitionist). This will include my family history, a video blog, and maybe a chess blog.

Chess is one way I am trying to keep my mind sharp. I don't duck anybody (well almost nobody). First come first served. I Yahoo, so you can catch me at yahoo games. I am usually in one of the new chess rooms. If you want to play me you can either rely on luck to find me http://games.yahoo.com/games/front or if you realy want to play post a comment with contact infomation and make an appointment with destiny. Rember, I am crazilynsane. Please note : that last comment was just my ego talking. If only my work ethic was as strong as my ego...

Yesterday I baught a video ipod, with a fm transmiter. I couldn't resist. I origonaly saw them on ebay, but then after I saw the fm transmiter and could not find what I wanted I went to the online ipod store. I ended up spending more money than I should have. That is usully how I am with the toys. I have self control ishues.

On tuesday I went to Target (Tar j). It was a Super Target with one evil candy aisle. The temptation was more than I could take. I blame dear old Dad for that one. He had a sweet tooth too.life is crazy.

Video!

I am not hosting video yet but here are a few links:

1. http://drunkandscruffy.blogspot.com/2006/04/urban-ninja-other-video-treats.html
2. http://on202.com/view.aspx?id=167
3. http://on202.com/view.aspx?id=116
4. http://on202.com/view.aspx?id=188
5. http://on202.com/view.aspx?id=52
6. http://on202.com/view.aspx?id=27
7. http://on202.com/view.aspx?id=166#

These are links to just a few of the videos I like there are a lot more at http://on202.com/welcome.aspx

If you are wondering what does this have to do with MS, MS'ers like to have fun too.

Life can be depressing

Life really is depressing sometimes, but it is the only thing worth living for. I guess somethings just were not ment to be. I was a heck of a guy (Insert Superfly theme music here). Now I am just trying to find somthing to do with myself. Making sure my daughter becomes the person she was ment to be.

My daughter is smart but she does not always listen. She loves her Daddy though. I forget sometimes and then she will do something small to remind me. she watched videos with me last weekend and we watched one of my videos. She didn't want to see it at first then after I told her that it was ok if she didn't watch my movie she suddenly wanted to see it. I think she realized she was being selfish. I guess you would have to have been there to understand.

I also have started a blog for my daughter http://jasmines-links.blogspot.com/ The shorter younger one in the picture is Jasmine my daughhter. The other one is her cousin Kayla. I am making a video blog so it will have pictures and video. Jasmine will like that. I may end up having to pay some money to get the space for it on a server. Jasmine will have to understand that $30 bucks is a month is as high as im willing to go... Maybe $50. The spoiled little brat will probably get what she wants (lol).

On a much more serious note, I have a court date on the 22 of this month. My daughter has been missing to much school. I blame her mother who is the primary care giver. I may be able to get custody of my daughter I will find out what is going on at least. Things would be much diffrent if I was not disabled.

STILL HERE

I am still here. I havn't updated my blog because it has gotten harder. I had plans to make this blog into somthing but typing has gotten more difficult. I am kind of angry about it but there isn't much I can do to change the situation. I used to type pretty good too. ..... Oh well! I may have to try to make a radio type post thing. Lol I am having trouble remembering words. My own radio station. I probably need a lot to get it started. There has got to be a steep learning curve on that one. For all of the MS'ers and friends I will post links to web sites that may be interesting to you.

http://bostoncure.org

http://msworld.org

http://www.mult-sclerosis.org/famous.html

I just felt like I needed to post something.


BYE


crazilynsane

Therapy

This I just started phyysical therapy. I hope it helps. Idoubt it. I can't type very well. I can't play the piano or do half of the things I used to. I'm having touble now so I will have to stop. I will have to update my record of my MS latter.

11 years old!

My daughter Jasmine just turned 11 yeasterday and she started the 6th grade. She said she is going to be a cheerlesder.

This had me thinking.

It's official. I'm getting old.

I am also worried becouse this is a big change for her. She is now in middle school. She will be using a locker and she will have diferent teachers for her classes. Every thing will change even her school bus. I am worry about the things middle school girls can get into. I worry especialy about Boys.

I know what little boys are thinking about . I used to be one.

I think I have a little time before I really have to worry about the whole sex isue, but then again you never know. I know I was thinking about girls when I was around 12 or 13. It might have been sooner. It was defenantly in middle school.

I have decided that I wil try to give Jasmine the space to make her own decicions. I am trying to deal with the fact that she has to make her own mistakes. All I can do is wathch her carefully and hope that I have given her a good morals and equiped her with enouph informationto know what to do.

Saying it is pne thing but doing it is another. I have a lot of dreams for her. Some of them where my dreams. I wanted to be a musician. I wanted to be a musician. I was a very good piano player. I even studied music theory in school. Now that I can no longer play I am happy to see that Jasmine has an interest in music. She told me she wants a guitar. I was going to rush out and buy her one , but I am not sure if I should. I want to make sure she plays her clarinet first. I will probably get one sooner or latter.

I can see now that it is going to bae hard to not push her too hard. My musical ambitions fell apart after I got MS. Her dreams need to be her dreams.

crazilynsane