It's official!!!

Im in the drafting program at Woodrow Wilson. I don't know exactly when I start, but the but the program will start sometime in April. I'm excited. Woodrow Wilson does have a few drawbacks but the positive far out wieghs the negative. I have not had a steady job or even a daily routine in three years. (Oct. 2002) Iforget that it has been that long.

I found out yesterday. Now all I need is for the disability and I will be comfortable. I think If I get just a little more help I can make things happen.

I also got a call from this guy doing a study to see if hand held computers can help me function better. Sounds good tome! I like computers anyway (they just don't always like me back).

That is pretty much what is happining with me. I'll tell you more .................Latter

Another interesting day

That is the best I can say about today. I had a DR's appointment today but I was 26 minutes late. I'm not usually late but it is hard getting around becouse I don't drive. My freind picked me up and he was late. Then when I did get to the hospital I sort of forgot where the DR's office was. I've been there numerous times but I still got lost. They made me reschedule.

I know what the problem is. I was walking a lot. I got used to the little scooter I had at WWRC. http://wwrc.net Walkingis harder than it used to be. It can be hard finding things when you have to worry about a little thing like falling down or running into people.
I don't feel like my dr is helping me anyway. She was just going to speak with me for five minutes and then send me on my way.

Did I tell you? I'm back home! I finished my evaluation at WWRC and now I'm waiting to see If I can get into a program. I got a good review from the evaluators but now I think it is up to my local DRS (Department of Rehabilitative Services) councilor to get me in the program.

I also tried to post a few pictures to this blog, but you have to down load a program and I dont don't like to down load to this computer. I had a bad experiance with my MOMS old computer. When I get my computer hooked up to the internet that will be different.

They are not pictures of anything special but I like them. They are just of me and a few of my friends at WWRC. I will down load them latter. Promise.

I am such a liar.

Until next time,.................Latter!

CARRIE IS CRAZY!

My friend carrie at wwrc is trying to set up an e-mail acount. It is interesting if nothing else. She is getting help so I think she'll get it eventually. Let us pray.........lol.

Carrie is a good friend of mine.She understandes having a disability. She had a serious brain injury that she has had to learn to live with. We have laughs. I was even thinking about getting serious with her, but there is a lot of stuff in the way. There is a fifteen year age differance, and then there is the whole race thing.

Dating should probably be the last thing on my mind but no man is an island. It has been years since I had a girlfriend let alone do any of things that couples do."huh, hum".

Had to clear my throat.

I will get my pics up soon I swear! I can do it now but I have been away at the rehabilitation center. That reminds me, I have bad news to report.

The good news about my acceptance into the drafting program may have been false. I think I may have misunderstood what my evaluater was saying. I spoke with him today and I am not so sure I will be in the drafting program. He was talking about sugesting desktop publishing as a possible career path. I am still not sure. Most of what he said was positive but I feel like he was trying to let me down gentlly. I will be abe to get into somthing but I'm not sure I will be in the field I wanted. I will try to keep this website posted.

cu

Congrats to me!

I have been accepted into the drafting program at WWRC. ( http://www.wwrc.net ) I am not sure if I should be happy or if this is actually more than I can handle. I did well on everything in my evaluation except the math. I am not sure I will be able to keep up with the other students. I was never really good at math and I will never be able to avoid it in drafting. When they start talking about the hypotinuse or crazy stuff like that my eyes glaze over.
I have also been asked to participate in a research study to see if people with cognative problems can be helped with a small hand held computer. The computer will hopfully help me. I am O.k. now ,mostly, but I have real concerns for the future.
I just wanted to share my good news with my many readers. I am going to go now but before I do I will promise to update my webpage more often. I am also going to change the format and include helpfull MS information. (I know u guys get tired ofmy lies........lol)


C - Ya!

Im o.k. Are you o.k.?

These are the questions I ask myself every day. Some days are harder than others, but you keep going. Life wouldn't be fun if it was not hard would it?.............. Probably! What can you do?

Today I finished my business evaluation at Woodrow Wilson Rehabilitation center. The instructor said I would be good at a data entry position. I would take that job right now, but I really want to do computer aided drafting. I was a carpenter and I had planed on building my own house. I was going to go into business for myself before MS. I could still do it with drafting, maybe. I'm getting evaluated for the drafting class now, so say a prayer for me. I'll need it.

My blog will be going through some much needed improvements soon. The pictures will be up soon and I will make some MS info available. I am thinking of changing the format of this blog. Any and all help with ideas would be appreciated. So, help ................................ Please?

Take care for now.

Another day at Woodrow Wilson

Its another day at Woodrow Wilson ( http://www.wwrc.net/Default.htm ) I'm bored as hell. Today started off bad but things seam ok now. This morning I thought I lost my key to my room. I had to get my roommate to let me in. After I got in I searched for my key everywhere but couldn't find it. It was under my nose the entire time. I had two shirts on and it was hanging around my neck between my two shirts. At lunch I hit someone with my scooter. I stood up to take off my jacket and my jacket got caught on the "gas". Next I was late for physical therapy. I am waiting for an atom bomb to go off. It would make this bad day complete.

I guess things aren't that bad. I did learn a few things. I learned how to adjust my handle bars on my scooter so I will have more space and I don't have another accident. I also learned how to do some exercises that may help with my stamina in physical therapy. I'm trying to look on the bright side.

I still don't have any info to share with other MSers. I get a monthly news letter and I will also start sharing that. I also know that the MSworld and the national MS society have good sites. I Chat at MSworld all the time as crazilynsane. The address is http://msworld.org. There is a lot of good Info there.

I am currently trying to add content to my little web page so If anybody can help with that I would appreciate it. Leave a comment please. Thanks. Bye for now.

Doing The Rehabilitation Thing

I'm at Woodrow Wilson Rehabilitation Center getting some PT (physical therapy) and some retraining for future employment right now. I'm also trying to get some help with my driving. I haven't driven for three years and I'm not sure If they can help me. At this point I'm not sure If it is even a good idea if I try to drive again. It might not be safe, for me or anyone else on the road at the same time as me. They seam to think they can offer me help but I'm not sure. We shall see.

I am currently looking into getting a new neurologist. I need a specialist. I have done a little research and there are supposedly some drugs and therapies out there that help with my MS symptoms. My current DR. Doesn't seam to know or even be interested in these therapies. So time for a new Dr. I think. I have heard that there are good neurologists in Charlottesville near the Rehabilitation center I am currently at. That is another reason for me to switch drs. I am too far from home to commute to see my current Dr. I really need to stop procrastinating. I should have done this already.

I am a born procrastinator. I have been putting off my application for Medicare and for disability for a long time. Mentally I feel like I am ok but physically I'm not doing so great. I really need disability. I haven't worked in two years

Time to change the subject to something that doesn't depress me. The MS walk.

There is going to be a MS walk in the D.C area soon. I meant to include information about it in this post. I want to participate. There has to be something I could do. I think I could make the walk If I could use a walker. Even if I don't walk I want to do something for the cause.

I'm gone for now. I hope you read here again. Untill then take care.

@#$^ computers!

I have been off-line for a week. The computer I was using wasn't acting right. I was trying to add pictures to my blog and some how I must have downloaded a virus. The problem might have been with the adaware I was using. I was without internet service in any case. That was unfortunate. I am addicted to the internet, so I was sick for days. This is my mothers computer so think I will wait to add the pictures.

Yesterday I was filling out forms for the rehabilitation center I am supposed to be going to on the 24th. They offer computer aided drafting. That seems like something I might be able to be interested in. I was a carpenter before the MS got me. My brother is a licensed real estate agent so the plan was for the two of us to buy old properties. I would fix them up and he would sell them, then we would split the profits. It doesn't look like I will be doing any type of physical work so I guess it's time for a new plan. I'm sure I can make the drafting to come in handy some how. I guess I will find out.

My ex. seems to be giving me less grief. I'm not if it's because of the court date we had, or what. Some times I think ........Forget what I think! I am just too emotional when it comes to her. Yeah I said it! E M O T I O N A L ... Wanna Fight?

I didn't think so. I ain't no sissy.

I think I may have become unhinged for a second. It was just a temporary lapse of my sanity. I feel much better now, thank you. Just don't question my manhood and I will try not to get violent and hide firecrackers in your mailbox, or key your car or something. O.K.?

I might as well do something useful for all of my readers with MS. During my travels in cyber space I have found a really good MS site that offers a lot of MS Information,http://MSworld.org. The site offers message boards as well as chat. I hang out there a lot.

Take care

This Blog Sucks!

I have only been blogging for a short time but this blog SUCKS! I really need to make some changes around here. I have to change the format or somthing. I was just happy to get my thoughts out into cyberspace before but now that I have become a weblog veteran ,(laugh ) I think it is time to do a little more with this blog. I guess I will have to do a little research...........LATTER. Probably much latter. I'm going to have to somthing about my grammer and and english skills too.

I am about to complain so now would be a good time to leave (If you haven't left already).

Yesterday I talked to my ex and I decided to drop the show cause I had on her. We have a court date for Jan. 19, 2005. I hope I am not making a mistake. I am a real fool when it comes too her. She has been violating the court order dealing with my daughter. I have her dead to rights but all it took was one call from her and I change my mind. I guess I still have feelings for her, besides I have health isues that I think take president over any fights I have with her. I get confused. I havn't droped the show cause yet but I will be thinking about it hard.

I am really tired today so I will have too log off. I have a lot of thinking to do. C U..........?

That was easy...

I reposted my blog with better colors just now. Nothing to it...

I might not post again for awhile. I am giving this computer to my daughter. I don't know when I will be able to get my computer online. I will be sharing an internet connection and I am not sure when that will be hooked up.

I am a little stressed about giving my daughter a computer. She is only 10 and I want her to be monitored. She may not know how to take care a computer, especially a computer that will be connected to the internet. She lives with her mother so I will not be able to watch her myself. If the computer crashes or something how will it get fixed? I started a blog that she might find it fun to maintain. That made me think about my other major worry.

My other concern I have is about the predators on the internet. I hope I will be able to keep anything bad from happening. I know of a few programs that will allow me to monitor her from my computer. The programs can be easily overridden by someone with a little computer knowledge. My daughter probably knows more about computers than I do. I'm not sure what I would do if someone tried to take advantage of her.

Actually I do know what I would do. Some things are better if left unsaid. That is the rash behavior that always gets me into trouble.

I'm thinking.........

I was thinking about what I should do with my blog. It is a little boring and I don't like the colors. The puke green isn't working for me. I don't even have any pictures. I have a lot of work to do but I'm still not sure what I want to do with my blog. I could turn it into a space that would show case my my musical talent if I could get my music recorded into a MP3. I could make It into a forum for people living with MS. I am sure that people living with MS have a lot to say. I could make this a stop in a web ring for people suffering from MS. Maybe It could even be a non-profit site to help raise money to fight MS. It would be great if I could combine all of these ideas. I will think of something, eventually.
O.k. now I guess it is time for me to start complaining.
I had an appointment with the Department of Social Services today. I applied for social security. I have already applied for disability but I was turned down 3 times. then I let my application die with out trying for a reconsideration, again. I am no longer eligible for disability because I don't have enough credits paid into the social security system. I haven't worked in two years. The old catch 22. I can expect an answer for social security within 180 days.
After I left the social security office I went and got an appointment with a psychologist. The retraining program that I am trying to get into wants to know If I will be safe to put into their program. I said that I get depressed sometimes when I had an interview with them. Don't I have a right to be depressed?
It is my own fault. I did get a little crazy back in '95. I guess they want to be safe. I wasn't going to hurt anybody but myself. I won't go into it now.
Another complaint I have is about my music. I can really play (If I do say so myself). I worry about my music though. I can already feel some of my ability to play slipping away. I have to get my music recorded before it is too late.
I guess I have said all that I have to say. I will post again latter. Have a nice day. (LOL)

Today is a good day

I think today is a good day. I haven't done anything special, but I now my daughter is coming over for a visit. I get two weekend visits a month and a week during the summer. I haven't been getting my phone visits with her. I am going back to court next month to get that straightened out. I better think about that now, I might ruin my good day. Today is not half of the way over but I know it will be ok because I know my daughter will be here soon. I don't have the energy to keep up with her but it makes me feel good to try.
I think my mother "gramma," wants to take us out to the movies tonight. She wanted to see A Series Of unfortunate Incidents. I think that's the name of the movie. Jim Carey stars in it. We should all have a good time. We all like the movies.
I don't really have much to say today. I just thought it was about time for me to right something down.
I would like to say a few words to describe my daughter. She is a really good kid. She got 3 A's and 2 B's on her last report card. The two B's were really close to being A's. She made a point to remind me of this when I congratulated her for making such good grades.
She will be getting a computer for Christmas. It will be the one I am typing on right now. Its a nice computer. It Is about 2 and 1/2 years old. I do have to make sure it will be ready for her by Christmas. I also need to get a copy of MS word to give her. I lost word when the computer crashed. I have a copy that came with the computer around here somewhere. I need to find that.
Jasmine's mother was talking about getting internet service when I was talking to her last. I'm not sure if my daughter is ready for that. I would like to be able to have video chat with her. I'm just worried because I don't know what happens when the computer has a problem or when she starts to see everything that is online.
I am probably just worried for no reason. Its what I do. Until next time see me latter (and everyone else who likes to know about what I have been up too).

More of the same

Life is just full of surprises. I get tired of jumping through hoops. I am currently trying to get into a program that will help retrain me for employment. To get into this program I have to go see a psychologist ,which will cost me money I don't have ( I haven't worked in 2 years ), and I will also need to go to the unemployment office for proof of that fact.
I hate the government! I have been turned down for social security three times. It's because I'm so young ( I'm 30 ). Oh, well life goes on. The game ain't over yet.
I want to create a web site where I could distribute my music. There is so much I need to say. Music is the best way for me to express it. It is getting harder for me to play but I can read music and I am more of a studio musician anyway. Midi is my friend! ( computer music ) I am not really even worried about making any money. As I said before, I have things I need to say.
I also have thought about writing something but that seams more like a dream than a possibility. I don't seem to be able to remember my grammar well enuf ( have you noticed? )In one idea I had for a story I had a Dr. Dean Ladison who was working for a cure for a disease that had become rampant during some time in the near future. It was not fatal but it did affect a woman's reproductive organs. She would become pregnant with clones of a mad scientist who created the disease. To make things more interesting I would make Dr. Ladison Afro-American and a product of the disease. He Is desperately seeking a cure. He has felt unwanted his entire life. His loving parents would be white. There is an interesting story in there somewhere I think
Until next time ...........Latter. I will post again in about a week or when I just feel like I need to scream. This post is me yelling as loudly as I can.

Angrier and Frustrated

I Just now tried to make a post. Angry and Confused. I messed up some how..............The story of my life. I am not exactly the most technical person. I also have Ms. That is my new catch all excuse for everything. "Opps sorry, I have Ms."
I have been a grade A screw up for much of my life so I'm not sure how much Is really the MS. It seems like I always am messing something up. I used to hang out in the street , smoke weed, and chase girls. That was my life. I miss it sometimes. I made some real changes after I broke up with my daughters mother. The lifestyle I had enjoyed came to an end. Looking back now I know that my ex and I were never meant to be together,but I still shouldn't have treated her like that. It took me awhile to figure it out. I had five years in prison to think about it. I got out of prison and she wanted to get back together, but I knew where that road ended. I still love her though. Its confusing sometimes.
The worst thing I am dealing with now is the MS. All the trials that I had and now this. Life Is definitely not fair. I had made real changes and I had planed to do a better job of being a father And this MS hit me. Life is great ain't it?
I am using this blog to vent so I might say anything. I feel like I have a lot to be angry about. My daughter was here today and we were supposed to go to the Movies but I couldn't find my cane. I cant go anywhere without it. I really need a walker but I am resisting that. I am only 30 years old! I am about to finish this post and lay down. I think I might be too angry to say what I want to. There is always next time......

MY LIFE WITH MS

This is not the first time I have tried to post a blog, but hopfully it will be the first time I am sucesful. I have been under a lot of stress due to my health condition and I decided a few months ago.
What is my health question you may ask. Two years ago I was diagnosed with MS.(Thats Multiple sclerosis for all those who dont know) I have been trying to learn to deal with having this disease but some days are better then others. So far so good. Writing this blog should help me cope with my disabilities. I always felt sorry for the disabled and now I get to find out how it feels to be one. I'snt life funny?

O.k. let me list my disabilities:

1. Myvision is Impared. - I have trouble focusing and double vision.
2. My balance is off - I have problems getting around. Where would I be with out walls?)
3. Cognitive problems - Mymemory i'snt what it used to be and somtimes I get confused.

I have more problems but I really just wanted to give you the reader an idea of whatproblems I am having. I will go into more detail latter. It makes me angry to think about it, So quite bugging me about it! Ok?( who me?)

Well hopfully this will work. (crossing fingers) It may help deall with my anger over this whole situation. I plan to vent my anger here as much as possible and maybe tell you (the reader more about myself until then take care and be safe.