a new plan

I was going to erase my blog and start over but I thoaght I could print out a copy of what I have already typed and then start over. I still can but I thought about it and that seems to me like a waste of paper.

I could save my work on a hard drive or somthing. I could also keep what I have and just make changes. That last idea seems like the easiest thing to do so that looks like what I'll be doing.

I had my Tysabri infusion today. Everything is going ok with that. It has slowed the progression of my MS. I still have symptoms that bother me.

I am loosing the feeling in my left foot. It is not completely gone but I almost wish it were. I get a burning freezing feeling in my toes. It doesn't bother me usually but it is relentless.

" It just don't quit. "

I first noticed the changes in the sensation of my left leg at the doctors office. She was proding me with cold metal. When she held the metal thing a magig on my leg it kind of freaked me out.

I didn't feel a thing.

I have to complain about that to my doctor. I need some releif.

I can't give it up

I have been toying with the idea of stopping my blog. I never have the energy or the motivation to work on it. I have a lot I want to say but I never get it all put down on my blog.

My blog has become a random mix of my complaints, my opinions, and descriptions of things that happen in my life at any particular time.

What's wrong with that you may ask.

Nothing. Except I do feel a need to be more productive and do something. I want to do more than just record my descent into irrelevance. It would be nice to be thought of by family and friends as more than just completely useless.

I haven't accomplished much in my life. A lot of it was my fault. A lot wasn't.

I don't think I'll ever completely stop with my blog. I am going to print out what I have already written and start over. I will have to think of ways I can make this space more relevant.

I don't like the idea of giving up.

Why is everything always so hard?

I'm listening to ambient music again... (I like that Moby guy lol)

I think I have to try to get into music again. I have ideas. I will have to get back into computer sequenced music. I think I can think of decent riffs I can stitch together with samples to make something interesting. I want to sample my self. I grew up in the Washington D.C. area so I think music I made would have a sequenced GOGO type feel.

I need to do something.

I was watching video of wheelkamaze ( I forgot his name! ) That guy was rollin'. He put that wheelchair in the wind. I use a wheelchair too and take my word for it he was going fast.

I had my Tysabri Infusion yesterday. I feel good. I might actually get something accomplished this week.

I need to get AdSense figured out. I want to look at making a better game and i need to look at the crazy counter. It is depressing. This is only my home page with my links to the Internet but I like to think that I provide some kind of utility.

No more adsence

I figured out how to get rid of my adsence ads yesterday. I was starting to get annoyed. I wasnt geting paid. I asked for help but all I got was a no reply message that I wasn't geting enouph hits to get paid.

Thats not what my adsence acount says.

I either don't know how to read or they have made a mistake and owe me a 100$. The ads I had were interfering with my posts. It doesn't matter becouse that was never really why I started this blog. I might try again latter.

I am listening to ambient music so forgive me if I get philsophical. ;-D

I'm thinking about getting a external hard dive for my computer. I might actualy be able to do a lot of the stuff I want to.

I saw a seagate 1.5 TB hard drive for 129$ Let me repeat that 1.5 TB for 129$ I only have 40 GB now.

I have been feeling better. I must have been having an exasperation of symptoms. I'll be glad when or if they find a cure.

Non-embryionic stem cells

I saw an article about this the other day. If it's true I'll have to ask my DR. This has the potential to help me out. I hope now the ethical argument over wether or not to use embryonic cells is pointless. I will leave a link.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0876/is_91/ai_n15338777

I haven't been doing much, just chating online.

I have been found out!

I have been outed. My secret is out in the open. I feel like a deceiver, a charletan and even worse a liar. I must somehow find the stregth to continue. I think by now everybody knows... I am not really crazy!

I just like to have fun. ;-D

I noticed that I haven't been walking very well. I am using my chair a lot lately I am averaging 30 steps a day. I go from the chair to the bathroom back to the chair. I need to work out.

I used my web cam for the first time yesterday. I need to get an update of skype. Then I'll be doing good

Sue me!

I put to much personal info in my posts sometimes...

" what do ya expect. I'm crazy."

I had to erase some blogs from my blog list. I only wanted to erase the one that wasn't being updated. I inadvertantly erased the wrong one in the prosses. I might be able to find it. I don't know

I'm debating wether I should erase or alter a post. I gave to much information.

Maybe.

I do go by crazilynsane.

Julie is wild!

My friend I chat with is wild! I gotta be me and say she got a web cam. That's as much as I'm going to say here. :-P

I have been thinking about finally geting around to fixing my adsence ads for my blog. I am not geting paid so why have it at all?

I went to my daughters last basketball game as a cheerleader for the year. The team got crushed. They shot them selves into a 30 point loss. They didn't seem to understand that passing is important. They din't understand that they needed to get open. The person who has the ball is not the only one who moves. I wanted to yell get open , or move but I didn't say anything. It would have been better but it wouldn't have won them the game. those girls came to play.

I have just been made aware that my mother has a blog. I have no idea what its about. I'll have to welcome her to the wonderfull world of blogging!

I just thought I'd make a post.

circles

I seem to travel in circles. I repeat myself. Most of the time I don't think it matters much but sometimes I unknowingly change my position on a subject and I don't realize it. I don't think I do it with the major issues but I know I do it sometimes.

A good example would be the drug fampridine. I heard about it a while ago. I asked my DR about it. I wrote about it in my blog and then I forgot about it. When I herd about it again it was new to me.

That is one example there are others. I usually respond the same way to a question but I think I sometimes respond differently depending on what is going on in my life. I think everybody does that a little.

My MS has been manageable. I will have to write more latter...I should look into voice software. I don't know if a computer could understand me anyway.

OMG!

Just when I have resigned myself to the idea I have MS and accepted having the disease I see somthing that makes me hope again. One of my RSS feeds discribes potentialy good news. Patients with eary onset Rapid Repeat MS have had it reversed with stem cells.

I don't know if I qualify for the procedure but it is a step in the right direction. I am just trying to stay positive.

I'm bringing sexy back.

Changes

I was reading my blog and it occured to me I need to stop with my diary. I say some wild stuff sometimes (I mean every word of it too)

My last post for example. I wrote about a song. I wrote how I convinced my self that it meant somthing it couldn't have meant. I think I always did know what it meant but I chose to think of it a diffreent way. That is what I was feeling at the time.

I havent really kept this strictly about MS. I think its a personal thing anyway. I need to include more about my MS. Maybe Tomarrow I'm tired right now...

Oh that's what he said

I got the Lyrics to a song wrong. When Glen Lewis said woman I thought he said a man. The part of the song that said Trust you'll find your way love should have given me a clue. It doesnt matter the song helped me through a rough patch. I was in prison. The song reminded me of my daughter.

If you are curios about why I was in prison it is in my blog. Read it.

DON'T YOU FORGET IT
By: Glenn Lewis

Far away from the life so young
That's when you used to know
Many dreams since then you've had have come and gone
The time might show
But stress, don't you let in, don't you forget it
Trust you'll find your way love
Hope is what your heart is made of
And don't you forget it
Don't you forget your way home
For that little girl
Hold on to your world
And don't you forget it
Don't you forget your way home
For that little girl
Hold on to your world
You're world's apart from first where life would start
Understanding what it means to have gone
Nothing but your heavy broken heart
Memories of what used to be
With change comes responsibility
Don't forget where you are and where you've been
Life's lessons then made you into woman
And don't you forget it
Don't you forget your way home
For that little girl
Hold on to your world
And don't you forget it
Don't you forget your way home
For that little girl
Hold on to your world
Don't you be afraid cuz a heartbeat away
It's all that and everything
That send men and women to you
Don't need to cry, you can dry your eyes
Cuz you can count on the love that through the years
Captured fears you'll face, can subside your tears
Everything will be ok, don't you be afraid
No no no no, la la la, la la la
Don't you be afraid, no baby
And don't you forget it
Don't you forget your way home
For that little girl
Hold on to your world
And don't you forget it
Don't you forget your way home
For that little girl
Hold on to your world

No Hugs for James

I have to cancil my trip to the U.K. Julie the woman is not feeling well. That is what I hear anyway. I sent her an Email. I hope she feels better.

I'd give her a hug if I could.

Going to see Julie

I'm going to see Julie. I have been chatting with her for a long time but I wasn't talking to her for a a few months because I didn't have internet access. When I did get access again I started chatting with someone diffrent. That didn't go like I expected and I'm chatting with Julie again. I am supposed to visit but I am aprehensive about the trip. 4000 miles is a long way to go to meet someone you chat with.

Unighted Kingdom here I come.

I am headed for the Unighted Kingdom in a couple of weeks. A woman I met on a dating site Lives there. I will officialy be a world traveler.


I have wanted to travel for a long time. I finally have my passport but I thought I was going to be stuck in the U.S. with my MS. It is good to know I can still travel.

I was thinking about organizing a handicapped trip. maybe even to somewhere exotic.

I need to chill out with that stuff

I admit it I like to chat. My bigest problem is I will back up everything I say and I will say a lot. I have been known to do some wild stuff for a girl. My problem has always been figuring out if they meanit or not. I can't helpp it I'll be crazy til the end.

It's thanks giving

I'm still here. Still tring to figure out my next move. I am thinking about a girl. She " better recognize. " I'm not all talk. She doesn't know who shes dealing with (lol). I'm going to the U.K.

Hopefully she does know.

I need to make a few calls. I'll call my friend Shawn first. I wonder how his nephew is doing. I'm going to to punch him in the chest and tell him I said Happy Thaksgiving. I'm going to have to tell shawn not to hurt him. He's a big boy. I'm sure I'll see that one again.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Tslked to Emz today

I was talking crazy as usual. They don't call me crazilynsane for nothing.

I let her know I liked her.

I was depessed. Depesion is often a part of MS. I was reminded of MS when I lost my last chess game. I was really good at one time. I can't buy a game now.

Is it MS?

I need a job!

I usually just surf the net and chat. I enjoy those things but I need more than that I need somthing meaningful to do with my time. A sense of achievement, accomplishment or of self worth. Self-actualization.

I some times laugh when I hear about someone with a simple idea that makes millions. All I need is an epiphany. It shouldn't be that hard... All I have to do is think about it. Then I got it made. If I wait long enough something good is bound to happen.

I'm waiting for my eureaka moment. ( there is a bad joke in there somewhere )

I have been living on line

I am on the computer a lot maybe too much. The posts I make here only acount for a small part of my time. I chat and surf the web a lot. My girlfriend L\lives more than a thousand miles away on a diffrent continent. I plan on going to see her in Febuary. We have plans.

I hope I'm not just being crazy by thinking it could work. My judgement might be clouded. I am going even though I know that it is. Wish me luck.

I am taking precautions. Someone will know where I am at all times. My mother was talking about going with me. I'm not going to let her for a lot of reasons. I want my privacy for one and the girl I'm going to see s kind of young. She is legal as far as I know but I joked with her that she needs to bring I.D. when she comes to meet me.

Yes she is that young. I hope she realizes I ain't kiddin'.

I have been tired a lot lately. I'm going to talk about it when I see my neurologist on the 21.

One is a magic number

" Theres just meeee ... one is a magic number... There's just meee...."

Sorry I was having a Jill Scot moment.

I should to write down my opinions and views. I'll call it the players manifesto. ( it's my manifesto I can callit what I want! lol)

I'll have to start a new blog. I have been getting to political around here. Voicing my political AND other opinions is not what this blog is supposed to be about.

Just because I talk to much i can give you an Idea of how I would start it...

1) Don't lie - it complicates things. Not having to lie again to cover up pevious lies is easier besides I'm not a good liar.
2) I love women. - I like people and loving women has more to do with biology than anything else.

Thats as far as I have gotten. I also believe in love. There could be one woman who could be for me. The right one could change my mentality.

I have been doing well although I have noticed balance peoblems. I have noticed something is off. I have an opiontment with my neurologist I'll have to bring it up. I can't give up. I don't believe in it. That's not what I have learned from my journey so far.

Today Is The Day

I'm about to do some much needed maintenance on my computer. I am cleaning out the registry and deleting what I don't need. I am backing every thing up twice. One copy I will keep myself and once to online storage that I will have to pay for. ( 5$ a month ) I also feel I have to defend myself for some of my views.

I stand by everything I have said. If you want to argue we can do that. Bring facts to back up your arguments. What you herd or just a feeling does nothing to convince me.

I beleive America is one republic made up of individuel states. I think there is a place for national government. If a locality feels it doesnt want to abide by national law it doesnt have to but then it has chosen not to be a part of the nation. The civil war is where I make the exception ,but not really. During the Civil War half of the Southern population did not get to vote.

There is a lot of blame to go around. I have friends online they all think im a recent imagrant. My family has probably been here longer than the Unighted States.

I hope I have cleared up how I feel for friends. The ones who give me a hard time lol.

Obama is President

Barack Obama is President elect. He takes office in January. I din't vote for him because im a felon and because I don't agree with a lot of his politics. He is presedent elect and he has the wheel. I will try to give him his chance.

A lot of people give me grief because I didn't think he was the right person for the job. The resons have to do with history.

Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. The first black senator was Hiram Revels. He served during reconstruction in 1870 and 1871. As soon as reformation was over and the south regained thier vore the carpetbaggers were thrown out. Carpetbagers was the name for southern politicians who were installed by the North.

The original face of the Democratic party was that of the southern Land owner. Slaves were his business. The Civil War was fought over states rights. Princpal and foremost among these rights was the right to own slaves.

If you don't believe me look up the Dred Scot case or the 3/5 comprimise.

Itis true that many of the racist element of the Unighted States has switched parties since the civil rights movement. But it is why I listen when someone who is republican speaks. Not all republicans are racist and not all dmocrats beleive in equaality.

Lol well hopfully you read my whole tirade...This is supposed to be about my MS. I am doing well. I am adopting a wait and see attude about Obama. Maybe it will help with the fight against MS.

A redskins loss means...

The sports anouncers predicted that when the redskins win win the incumbent party wins. When the Redskins loose the incumbent party looses. we just have to wait to see if the prediction still has merit.

The Redskins lost.

I am conservitive by nature but I have respect for the office. I will support the president elect no matter how it turns out.

Either way I win. having an Afro-american in office will do a lot to to help with race relations in the USA but if he is not a good president the oppisite is true. Fairly or unfairly there will be pressure on Barrak Obamama if he wins.

I must be crazy...

I am trying to fly to England. Someone I have been chatting with lives there. She is disabled too. I have no idea how we would manage, but I AM going.

I haven't even had a girlfriend in 6 years. Women have always been my greatest downfall.

Will I look back on this trip and add it to my already long list of mistakes? I don't think I have a choice. I will find out.

All I can do is take precautions.

Didn't see it coming

I have been feeling tired a lot lately and I haven't been doing much. the only thing I have had to look forward to was the replay of the Hopkins/Pavlik fight. The fight did not go as I expected. Pavlik lost....

Now that I think about it it shouldn't have been so surprised. Hopkins cagey and experienced pro. He has been tested and he has always passed. Except once

I thought pavlik would be able to deal with hopkins. I thought hopkins was too old. I thought Pavlik was too young. I thought Hopkins didn't have it any more.

I was wrong.

When I'm wrong I can say I was wrong. "It ain't nothin' but a thing".

I still haven't seen the fight so I should probably wait to criticise. I won't be able to see the replay until tonight. I just know what I heard. I heard it was one sided. I will see it tonight.

I also heard about a hydrogen house in New Jersey. It has solar power that is used to convert water into hydrogen for the winter months. during the winter the hydrogen is converted back to electricity using a fuel cell.

Why arn't more people doing this? What are the obstacles keeping every one from doing this? I would think that customers would pay a premium to builders able to provide that.

As you can see I've been watching a lot of TV. it is all I do these days. I have big plans thouugh.

MS fatigue

I am always tired. It makes it difult to accomplish any thing. I have a prescription from my DR but it doesn't really seem to help.

I have just been trying to get by for a long time. I spend all of my time either watching TV or doing the minimum amount of work to get by. When I don't finish what I started.

I have tried breaking jobs into smaller tasks but I need help. Hopfully I can work something out with Social services.

My game sucks! ]I:-(

I have to make a new game... I beat this one already. Its easy once you learn how too use all of your weapons. The next game will be harder. I'll try to make it ms related somehow. My game doesn't even keeo score.

I posted a video about the http:mymsmyway.com web site and assistive technology. I have a link available under the links section of my blog.

I am going to try again to get help for around the house. I don't have energy and I jusst haven't been taking care of everything. Cleaning up around the house for example, the house is a mess and I can't stand it.

New Game

I just added a new game to my site created by me. I forgot to write my name on it. I do not read code I just found a web site that lets you do it point and click. I think its impossible to beat. prove me wrong.

New Video

I just posted a new video to my blog. I hope it offer information that could be helpful. It shows some of the options that are available for people with handicaps. I need to take advantage of some of the technological advances myself.

I plan on making changes to my blog, I'm not sure where to start. I never seem to get around to the doing the work part of my plan. That is the story of my life. MS hasn't made it easier.

My Ms hasn't really made me weaker lately but it has made it hard to get motivated. I was going to get help from social services but they wanted to help me in the bathroom. I stilll do that. I do have problems keeping my area clean. I saidno thanks. I don't no if I could live with giving the nurse a surprise in the bathroom.

I will be making changes soon

I haven't updated my blog in awhile. I have been letting my MS get the best of me. I will be making changes to this web sit soon. I think I have gotten some of the issues I was having with adsence resolved. If you see an ad on my blog that interests you feel free to " Burn it up ." Use it as often as you want)

I was just watching video on you tube. I like the freecreditreport.com videos. I like all of them but the rap video is my favorite.

I need to show them to my daughter Jasmine. She likes the comercials too. She will probably be interested in knowing the guy from the comecials is named Eric Violette and he is French Canadian. She is in French class at school.

I'm having computer problems. I think I need to get a profesional look at it. I thought I knew a little about computers but I have tried everything I know how to do. The computer messed up when I was playing Yahoo chess. I was about to make a move I think would have hurt him bad. ( I think )

I got my Tysabri infusion yesterday. I feel good. I might even get around to make some improvments to my blog. ( probably not but it makes me feel good to lie about it )

I need to delete some of my Links. musiciansfreind is a good one. I can't play piano any more. I need to stop living in the past.

Say no to stress

I am trying to avoid stress whenever possible. It hasn't been working. I need to do a lot and putting it off just makes it worse.

My video camera is broken. I haven't even started to do everything I wanted to do with it. I wanted a different one anyway. Now I have a good reason to buy a new one. I need to go to my cre8buzz blog and figure out how to erase my old videos.

My Tysabri infusion is scheduled for Friday. I had to do a refill my prescription so I will be a little late getting it. I can tell.

I want a cable modem

It is hurracane season and it seams like every time it rains my DSL goes out. I want a cable modem. I can't do what I want to do. Make money.

Doesn't it seam like everything always comes back to that? I was reading one of the blogs I like to visit and reading about stem cells. The first thought that enteredmy head was "Sighn me up!"
Then after my initial exciyment had faded I thought how much would somthing like that cost?

It looks like I will be donating my body to science. Experiment on me...... please!

The potential benifits outway the risks. My daughter shouldn't have to see her daddy crawl on the floor.

That is a depesing image I just descibed so here is something more upbeat.

My daughter Jasmine's bithday was yesterday. She is fourteen. She got two Japaneese fighting fish. A Male and a female. She named them Dark heart and brite heart. They have nicknames but I forgot already. I'll have to find out wirhout letting her know I forgot lol. I'm sure i'll have fish to give away soon so put your bid in now.

Jasmine is having a Birthday party Saturday. I'll try to post Video

Hanna took out my internet connection

I survived the hurracane. It took out my internet conection. I haven't been on line for a few days. It was another reminder that I need a more dependable internet conection.

I need to read my MS RSS feeds. I don't want to mis out on any thing. I think I might edit my feeds. I like all of the feeds I like but I should probably keep this site MS related. I'm not sure. MS is not all MS'ers like to think about. I think I'm going to get my boxing blog started. I saw 2 good fights this weekend. I'm waiting on the Mosely Mayorga fight.

Mosely wins by Knockout. That is my prediction.

I want a cable modem

I have had problems logging on to the Internet. I might get a cable modem. That should help some.

My other problem is my computer is getting old. I only have 40GB on my hard drive. I'm going to either get a new computer or upgrade and fix this one. I don't need the graphics to play video games. I'm going to get someone who is qualified to look at it and make suggestions. I was thinking about getting a Macintosh. I was thinking about that or running Redhat, Firefly, or some other operating system on my computer. I'll wait to see what advice I get.

I guess I should say something about my MS. I have been doing well. Everything is relative. I'm not as bad as I have been but I'm not the person I used to be either. Don't feel bad for me. That guy I used to be had a lot of stuff with him.

Why can't I ever get my way?

This is not the first time I have tried to post to my blog today. The power was cut in the middle of my first paragraph. It just proves the point I was trying to make. Everything is always broken around here. It is either broken or it doesn't work. I know I should be happy, it could be worse. If I saw the first guy to ever say that I'd ask him if he meant that and then I'd push him off a bridge. I'm sure he would be convinced by my argument that sometimes it just sucks.

I will post a new video soon on my cr8buzz blog. I need to clean up. The house is a little messy. We are still moving in.

My MS seems to be okay If I can still say that. I have been tired but I have been doing a lot. I will try to post more video soon, especially if I can get you tube to work.

I Posted a video

I have finaly posted a video. I had to do it a way that I din't want to. I couldn't get my video to download onto youtube. I have it posted on my cre8buzz profile.

I think I destroyed the mystery of crazilynsane. I kind of liked people not knowing everything about me. I don't really like to be pitied.

I know that sounds like a contradiction becouse of everything I have written about myself here. I may have written about it but in my video you can see it.

That reminds me... In my video I said something about medtronic being in the newest issue of U.S. News. I did not mean to imply that I was going to be in the artcle. If you have MS like I do you understand. It just didn't come out right. I was talking about the deep brain stimulator surgery.

If you watch the video I appologize again for my appearance. I should never try to shave myself. I apparently missed a lot. Oh well...

I was going to leave this post with oh well but I went to see if it posted corectly and I noticed an ad for a web site about before and after MS. It got me thinking. Maybe I can find old video of me playing football or somthing.

Nellysford

I'm in Mellysford now. I have a lot to do.

My computer is hooked up to the internet! I can post video now. I'll have video up on this site soon. maybe Today it depends on how I feel. I'm tired now. I just wanted to say what's up.

"Waz up!"

Falling a lot lately

I have not been walking very well lately. I have been tired. I am going to look into a workout program. I know it might help a lot. The problem with the workout program is I can't find the energy to start. I have a lot I want to do but I procrastinate. The list of the things I want to do just keep growing.

I want to:
1) Add to or improve my web pages. ( myspace, cr8buzz, blogspot )
2) get my work out program started.
3)meet this woman I have been talking to me on the phone.
4)get my videos posted.

That is what I want to do right now. I will do it it is just taking me longer to get started than I would like.

Talked to Reese today

I was talking to a freind of mine today. I hope she knows I like her. I have trouble saying what I want to sometimes.

I have to call my DR. My prescription for Tysabri has run out. I have to get that refilled. I hope it will not be a problem.

My Family reuniun went well. I have video that I will post as soon as I can. I would post it now but I need to install software on this computer and I'm not the system administrator for this computer.

We had fun. I saw a lot of people I haven't seen for awhile. we are having it in San Antonio next year.

I havent been making my biweekly posts. I will hopefully have it the way I want soon.

cumputer problems.

I have not updated as much as i would like. I might post a video today and show off my new camera. II am in the process of moving so I have not been able to make my updates.

My MS is under control. I feel fine but I have to let my docter judge how well she thinks I am doing. I could think I'm ok but I'm not. I might be the last to know. I feel almost exactly the same as I have always felt until I stand up and try to walk.

Video of me walking might be a good thing to post.

I need to network

I have been keeping this blog for awhile now. I have been trying to in increase the amount of traffic that stops through here and it has com e to my attention that Ineed to add links. I have added links to interesting sites but maybe I need more. Maybe I need to resort to porn.

I was thinking about leaving a link just as a joke but I have standards. Who am I kidding I'm shameless! Just incase anyone cares I have gmail accounts to give out.



I am going to do something wth my myspace account too. My blog lists need to be editted and I want to add my own video. I might keep all that stuff on my cre8buzz profile.

My ms is okay but I am still a little tired. I was thinking about it and I would say I'm doing much better on Tysabri.

I'm tired and I think I'm starting to ramble on about nothing. so....c ya

depressed I think

I have been feeling depressed. My MS has been getting the better of me. At least I know what to expect. I am blaming all my problems on MS. I probably am not to far from the truth. I need DRUGS! the illegal kind. Marijuana.

Sorry I slip into that way of thinking sometimes. It's like a reflex or something. I don't really need any more problems. That can definitely cause problems. I was in a physiologist's office trying to deal with my daughters behavior problems. She suggested medication. My depression may be affecting the kids. They are already affected by their mom. They need someone to be there for them.

I have decided that I am going to write a book. A fictional story about a man that works in a music store who channels the spirit of another musician who died years before. He can not play an instrument unless he is possessed and he knows things he should not know.

I'm just thinking.

I bought a new camara

I now have a video camera so I should be posting video soon. It is a cheap camara I got from walmart, but its better than than no camera at all. Ideas are forming in my head as we speak. I even have the kids thinking. Jasmine's birthday is September 10. Hopefully we will have some fun.

I still have more things I want to get. I need a memory card for the camera and a new keboard. I want a lot more but that is the first thing that comes to mind. I have plans to put my own music and video on my blogs. My plan is to use my cre8buz blog for social networking and to keep my MS diary here with some rss feeds that other MSers might find helpful.

I haven't updated my blog for more than a week. I have been having computer problems. I always seem to have them. I think it's because I share a internet conection. That is my best guess.

cre8buzz

I have been trying to join the cre8buzz comunity. I have been looking at everyone elses blogs and it just makes me see even more how much work I need to do to make this site better

I need to edit my blog lists and add more pictures and video. I'm working on it.

I got a message

I recently got a message from someone MS'er at createbuzz.com. I now have verifiable evidence that my blog has been seen. Now all I need are a few million more and I will be able to take over theWORLD

i went to a MS men's group Saturday. I learned a lot and I got free stuff( free is always good ). They talked about depression and MS and about sports.

The sports was interesting to me because I do have the i nave dive to compete, at least I did before I got MS. I still feel bad because I didn't volunteer when one of the speakers asked for volunteers. Now I get to ask myself why didn't you volunteer?.....CHICKEN.

One of the speakers talked about adaptive equipment. I immediately had a daydream when he started talking about fishing. I haven't been fishing for years.

The other speaker who was there talked about the link between MS and depression. Iknew there was a link but I didn't realize how big it was. I learned that taking an anti depesant can actually help fight off an exasperation. I'm not a DR so I will have to read more before I say much more than that.. I know it does help with the physical symptoms of ms.

I think I will bring up my court appointment yesterday. It was an open and shut case. My ex, who brought this issue up, wasn't even in court. It was thrown out of court.

She has problems. She makes them for herself, so she is depressed.
That's why she gets high and I have the kids.

DR's Appointment Today

I will be in my Neurologist's office today. I have a few things I need to discuss with her. I will have to bring up how my feet got really swollen and my worsening balance. A prescription I need for a scooter. I will try to remember to say something about feprodine a new drug that seems to aide walking for people with MS. (I have no idea how to spell feprodine.)

I don't really want to talk about my feet but I guess I have too. I have to bring up how I drank a fith of gin during the two or three days when my feet were swollen.

I bought into gin and juice when Snoop Doggy Dog fist got popular. (I like mine with cranberry juice... my favorite!) My balance probably has a lot to do with that. By the way if that sounds bad you should have seen me in '93. I don't drink now but I guess I still have my moments.

I should be getting a scooter. That will be a big help. I didn't do well when I was in the mall. I was in my wheel chair but it was hot and the heat got to me. MS and the summer time don't go together.

I'm going to mention feprodine. I can't spell it but I do have an article from a paper. I need all the help I can get. I need to let go of the past too.

Why am I always Tired?

I am always tired because I have MS.

"duh."

I know why but it doesn't help me deal with the hot and humid weather I have had to deal with lately. I have wanted to get some improvement to my blog but I can't find the energy. I have to type one handed as it is.

I want to get a camraphone with gps so I can keep a better record of where I've been and what I have been doing. witch brings up another hurdle... Money.I am so broke I can't pay attention. I know that's an old joke even for me but I can't afford a joke book.

I am planing on making this a more interesting space. I might make it a community blog and let other people add to it. I think it would be better as a site on a web ring.

I was late again but my daughter Jasmine was using the computer (That's my story and I'm sticking to it).

I should mention that I gave Jasmine $80 dollars yesterday. She got it for getting good grades. I think it was 3 A's 2 B 's and a c. I was disappointed about the C because she only got that because of assignment that weren't turned in. I can't get mad because those are better grades than I got In the 8th grade. I will say this. Jasmine is smart like her Daddy. ;-P

Lilly still has issues. The games her mother plays are not helping her. I'll go into more detail latter. I'm tired now.

Watching You Tube

I have been watching videos by lauenvparrot on you tube. It's interesting to me. She has MS like I do and she is posting videos like I want to. I guess you could say I'm jealous.

I have been keeping this blog for awhile now. I think adding video is my next step. I have added video before but it was not what I really wanted to do. My camera is broken so I will have to buy a new one.

Lauren said somthing about stress and it is all true. I need to deal with things as well as I can and then let them go. I haven't always done that and it ends up hurting me in the end.

New blog list

I have just added a new blog list. If you are interested in MS info some of these blogs might be a good place to look. I'm not really a MS expert I just live with it everyday. I try to provide useful links but I know my diary is not strictly about MS.

"Sue me."

This site is really a personal one, but I am inviting you to share in my experiences. If you have any MS blogs you like leave me a message telling me where they are. I will post a link. I really want all interesting blogs but I'm just posting the MS blogs here.

Time to call the doctor.

I have been feeling tired and sluggish for awhile now. It has been hard for me to realize what was happening because I am always tired. Fatigue is a part of my MS. I have a new problem to go with the slight increase in my tiredness. My feet are swollen.

I don't know what causes that but hopefully I can find out. My daughter Jasmine pointed it out to me.

"Daddy your feet feet are swollen...ewww!"

I heard something funny about feet. He said " When you talk to younguns tell them to take pictures of their feet because they will nevr look like that again." (The father from the Wayans Bros.)

It was something like that. I haven't given up hope just yet. The dogs are still not past the point of no return. I'm calling my doctor today. It might be something serious.

Jasmine and Lilly are with thier mom. She has them for a week. I'm angry about that because she is supposed to have a urine test done and she hasn't. She said sunday that she would have it monday so I was a nice guy and said ok. On monday she said she would have it Tuesday. If she doesn't have it today I am going up to her house and getting the kids.

Cindy doesn't really have any parental rights now. She only visits with them because we let her.

I'll go before I start cursing.

" #@@$#@$ @#!@( "

Too late. I don't need this.

I added search

Ihave just added search to my blog. Feel free to make as many searches as you would like. "cha-ching"

I had to do somthing to make this blog better. Hopefully a monitary incentive will give me the desire to make this a half-way decent space.

I think I'll add my own video next. The kids are out of school for the summer
vacation. It means i have coscripts... I mean actors for my movvies.

I am exhousted

I'm not really tired now but I was yesterday. I could not move my legs. I had to lay on the floor for a few minutes before I got up and pulled myself into bed.

I have been like that before but it still worries me. I know exactly what causes it. I can't take the heat. The summer time is the worst time...NOW.

I blame the weather for my receent mistakes. (It's a good thing when you have something to blame.) I forgot about a scheduled meeting for the kids. I told thier mother she could pick them up today. My fault. I will have to make up for that.

I have to get my @$^! together and make the improvements to my blog. What did I say about blame?

That right! I'll make improvements latter. I'm otta here.

kid venture

I need to make a call and get my kids signed up for kid venture. It's an activity for kids with a parent with MS. They din't want to go until their cousin went to somthing similar and rode on the " zip line." Now they want to go too. I hope it isn't to late to register.

I am looking into adding search to the site. I'm trying to increase this blogs visability. it is just a diary now but I'm trying to make it more. I know I say that a lot but it is the truth. I'm adding my own videos when I can.

Is it that obvious?

I was adding a picture to my blog and I showed it to my mom. The first thing she said was " why do you want a restroom picture on your blog? "

I didn't realize it was so easy to tell where I got the picture. I'm going to leave it for now. I will change it as soon as possible. Many of the people with MS are familiar with the sign anyway.

Another change I want to make is to add an animation to the blog. I might try now if I have the time. I still have to get ready for the birthday/memorial day cookout we are having. If you were wondering my birthday is Wednesday.

I will be 34. (gee golly... thanks. Your interest in my birthday is appreciated.)

I will be adding to this site soon. I was thinking some animation and maybe some poll questions. I am going to increase (create) readership here.

Life changes

I am going to make big changes. I have decided that I no longer smoke marijuana. I am going to try and get meaningful employment. I am going to try and regain some of my lost movement. I am going to try and take more of an active role in MY kids upbringing. I just don't like my current situation.

The weed thing isn't going to be fun. Marijuana is illegal so that's one reason to quit. I have heard it can help with MS, but I have also heard it can hurt. I don't have to worry about it now one way or the other.

I need more money. Work would be a blessing. It would also give me something to do. Staying home all the time is boring.

I was an athlete at one time. Working out " ain't nothin but a thing." I'm going for the natural high that working out can give you.

The last thing I was going to write about were my kids. For now I consider both of them mine. There is no doubt about Jasmine. Do I really need to say more?

I'm on time!

I am updating my blog on the day I said I would for once (Mondays and Thursdays). I blame MS for my laziness. I am only joking but the depressing thing is it's probably true.

I want to make improvements to this blog. I want a graphical header and posting my own videos would be nice. My pictures are all old. My links need to be edited. I should take a poll.... Why does mylife suck? (just kidding)The poll idea would be a good one if anyone actualy read my blog. It is just for me really.


I need to get a new camera. the old one broke. I think I might be able to find a nice one at a pawn shop. I'll buy it as soon as I find a million dollar lotto ticket on the sidewalk.


I'm stressing my self out about my daughters cheerleading tryouts. I want to support her but I can't afford it. I need to come up with $90... and a ride to the DR's office.

I think I'm over my ex today. yesterday I wasn't sure. When I think about it I am when I don't I'm not. It must be a hormonal thing. I'll write more... latter.

I loose...again

I have just been playing chess. I was pretty good but I can't seem to win. I fall for tricks I shouldn't. it makes me mad. I am having a bad day.

I did have some good news. I have been given a list of resourses that might help with my dis ability.

Chow.

I do what I can

I try to do what I can but it's not always enough. I haven't kept this blog up to date like I have wanted to. I still need to add a graphical header and edit my links list. I don't really go to a lot of those sites anymore.

cardomain.com for example. I wanted to fix up my car and post pictures of it there. I had a 96 Nissan 240sx. It wasn't just going to look fast. The car that came stock straight from the dealer couldn't have touched me.

I don't have a car or a license now. It is just as well. I like to go fast. I have matured a lot since my high school days but I might have been tempted.

O.k. time for me to say something crazy!

I still care about my ex.

There has been too much stuff that has happened between us and she has a boyfreind.(who I can't stand), but I did feel for her when she came by yesterday. She was picking up her daughter Lilly for a visit. My mother found some of Lilly's underpants hidden in the bushes in front of my house. She almost didn't get to visit with her Mom. Cindy was trying not to but she almost started to cry. It was paifull to see.

Lilly needs to understand. Soiling her clothes is one thing. Lying about it is another. Lying is unacceptible at my mothers house. Lilly did get to go with her mom but she is still in trouble when she gets back.

I'm tired now so I have to go. see you next time.

More Information

I need more information. There is a group that lends money to people with MS so they can buy scooters and make their houses handicapped accessible. I'm going to look into it. I'll keep this web site posted with my progress.

I don't read much theese days but I am going to go see if I can catch up on some of the magazine article I have wanted to read. I don't have good eye sight so I don't read like I used to. My mother suggested that I get some books on tape. I guess I'll try it.

I haven't been keeping up with my journal. I need to do a beter job of updating it. Mondays and thursdays are the days.

I need drugs!

I'm not talking about illegal drugs, I'm talking about medication. If you are expecting me to advocate medical marijuana I'm not going to do it.

I do use the weed from time to time. I got some information that it can cause problems. I also hear it can help. I'll just smoke a lot less than I used to. I never really smoked because of MS.

My MS symptoms have been bad for a week. I'm tired right now. I'll solder on. I have fans who need me. ;-P

I'm going to add a graphical header to this blog. I already changed the colors. I am not sure I like it. maybe it will grow on me. I am also looking at adding my calender to my blog.

There are some interesting articles in MOMENTUM magazine. I think I'm going to read them now.

BYE

still learning

Im still learning how to trade using on the stock market. So far I'm up 1.6 percent since April 29. I would be up more but exon isn't where I thought it should be. I'mnot getting the return I want. I am stcking with it though. I know it's coming down eventualy. I didn't think it would be this soon. I think it can go higher. I'm going to invest more.

I went to the DR today. I have to get a prescription for a scooter and aqua physical therapy in the pool. I haven't given up walking just yet.

Can't anything be easy?

My investment stratigy

Diversify... That's all I Know at this point.

I'm going to invest money evenly between property, stocks, and the bank. If I take a loss in one area then I will hopefully have something to fall back on. If I make a good profit in one area I will take the profits and redistribute them so my investments are evenly diversified again.

That's the plan. I have started off buying imaginary stocks with updown.com . I want to make sure I know what I am doing before I start risking real money so far I have made about a 1% imaginary profit with my imaginary money. Not bad for 2 months but I feel I can do better once I learn the, "game."

Being broke all the time sucks. I want to leave something for the kids. I haven't been able to work because of Multiple Sclerosis and this is my only plan of making money so far.

I need to make better investments

I am a updown investor which means I am pretending to play the stock market. Today was a good day for the stock market but I am not really making (imaginary) money I am ahead but not as much as I want to be. My plan is to learn how to play the stock market with updown.com then to invest what little money I have and hopefully make money.

Apparently I'm not ready. I have barely made a profit. I am just treading water. I need to get some investment books. I have read about Warren Buffit that is the type of company I'm trying to keep.


I have just been invited to the movies. I have t8o update later.

I am participating!

What am I participating in?

Everything!

I have decided to try to get involved in every MS related activity that I am offered. Everything I can anyway.

There is a woman writing a book about people with MS. I forget her name. She is looking for submitted material for her book from people with MS. This could be my only chance to get published. writing a book is hard.

I called Julie yesterday. I talked for an hour about nothing. I think she might have been depressed. She has MS too and she is experiencing worsening of her MS symptoms.

If I can get the money together I think I'm going to visit her. She probably gives really good hugs. (from what I understand she's stacked) lol

I used to chat with her all the time before my old computer blew up. I need to get the software we were using downloaded to this computer. I need to get the system administrators permission. This isn't my computer.

I have a web cam and a mic and so does she. That would be cool.

Late again

Nothing much has changed with me. I'm late updating as usual. I couldn't get enough energy together to write yesterday. I feel I am adequately ashamed of myself, so the hate mail is unnecessary. I understand that I have a legion of adoring fans who depend on me.

Google is starting something new called gblogs. It looks interesting. I have to look into it. I'm not sure how it's supposed to work but I don't think It is time sensitive. You don't have to post in chronological order. I doubt it would afect this blog much but it might give me the incentive to start other blogs I have wanted to start for awhile.

I think I am going to print out my past posts so I can start again. I don't really know how much space I have so I'm not sure.

I also saw something about the blogger help videos on utube. That's something I need to look into.

I'm out.( I have finished the blog entry and I am retiring for the day. )lol

A date?

I have gotten a message on a dating site that I use. Someone asked me what would I say if someone I liked but not loved said they wanted to be with me. I answered the question as honestly as I could. I hope I hear from her again.

I have not updated my blog in awhile. Tomarrow I will try to return to the Monday and Thursday update schedule I have made for myself. Updating this blog lets me see how I have changed over time.

I got a DVD in the mail as a complimentary gift for my $100 pledge I made to WETA, the Public Tv station. I have wanted to do it for a long time. Now I am officialy a contributer and supporter of Public Television.

I hope this attractive desirable woman knows what she is getting into....it's been awhile. I will do my best to make her happy.

OUCH!

I have Finlay started to use my updown.com account. I have lost about $300 so far. I have made some impulse stock picks. In the future I need to do a better job of researching the companies before I buy. I believe in the companies so I'm going to ride the down turn out. I'm not making anymore moves until after I do some research. I think I will be more of a long term invest er. I'm not making any more sudden moves unless I can see a clear trend. It's a good thing it's only for pretend.

The only thing happening lately involves my daughters. They spent a week at their mother's house. When it was time for them to come home their mother just didn't bring them back. She thinks she can do whatever she wants with them. That is not what the judge said. One day when she does get it she will be in for a rude awaking.She is lucky I let her see them at all.

My MS seems a little worse. My tremors ,balance and my energy level. I am typing one handed again. I have decided that I will stop worrying about what I can't control. I will ,for example trust in the court system handle any problems I have with the children's mother.

Depresion sucks

I must be depressed right now. I know I shouldn't let things get me down. I am trying not to let what other people do affect me. I just have to depend on myself. I was the life of a party but it can be hard partying by yourself. It's not as bad as it seems.

I saw HORTON HEARS A WHO saterday . I give it 4 out of 5 stars. I liked it but I was a Dr. Suess fan when I was a kid. I'm the cat in a hat.

I don't have much to say today. I might just post a video or somthing. Hopfully I will think of somthing by Thursday.



It took me a long time to learn this song. I couldn't play it now if I tried.

I'm a sucker

I hope this was not a mistake. I bought a new web site so I can sell some of my intellectual capital.( That's all I got )If I can get everything together I'm starting my own record Label.

I really haven't gotten past the idea stage. I still need to work on my business plan. I have a lot of work to do before I can start accepting music from people trying to get herd. I can hopefully create a small independent label that will become a vehicle for artists trying to reach the majors.

I might be able to get my own music herd.

My daughter has dreams of being a rock star and a clothing designer. I have my doubts. It will take dedication and hard work. Even then there is a lot of work involved. I will help her WORK to achieve her goals. I have dreams too

When every thing is set up I will post a link here.

Depresion

I guess Im an excellent example of the link of MS and depression. I make plans and then don't follow through with them because things don't happen the way I want. I'm a dreamer and not a doer.The conference I went to on Saturday is a good example.

I learned a lot and I did buy a book from one of the guest speakers. I did not talk with any of the females that were in attendance. When I did speak it was not about dating. It just wasn't the time or the place.

The book I got was HEALTHCARE for LESS by Michelle Katz. I haven't started reading it yet,but I think it has a lot of good information. It goes into greater detail about what she she spoke about at the conference.

I forgot the other speakers name, but he was speaking about investing. I was very interested. I need to figure out how I can aply the information to my situation. I should have taken notes. At least I could have brought my voice recorder. I have a few investment sites in my links list. I haven't used them yet. (see paragraph one) I have plans.

When I do invest I will probably take a lot of risk. You want to buy low and sell high right? It's pretty low now. I need to get started. I have a lot to learn. I want to offset the amount of risk by learning as much as I can about a company befoe I Invest.

How much?

I have just been thinking. I wonder how much it would cost to hire a secratary to type my diary. I don't keep it updated as much as I should. I think the accepted norm is two updates a week. I am only trying for once a week and I haven't really been succeding. There is nothing to write about. My life is boring.

I am going to a MS meeting for young adults with MS. I should be able to learn better coping skills and about the current state of MS research, but all I can think about is I hope I meet someone who wants to date.

I know its bad. I haven't had a date in...thats pivate! You know its bad when I can't mention it here.

I think I'm going to try two updates this week. I will also be adding a link to my profile on a dating site.

I need a date!

I can't stay away...

As long as I have an Internet connection I'm going to use it. I'm' still angry about the problems I've been having with this computer.

I have not really talked much about my MS in awhile. I guess I have been avoiding it. It is not something I like to think about. I need to write more about my experiences. This is my multiple sclerosis web page after all.

I my symptoms have stayed about the same. They might have even gotten a little worse. The improvement I received from my deep brain stimulator has not been as much as I was hoping for. I don't know if it was worth the the stress of surgery. I have gotten some improvement but I am starting to wonder if the improvement was worth it. I still want a cure so I doubt I'll be Happy with anything less.

I have been a little depressing so here is something funny.

It's a wedding!

I'm taking a break

I will be taking a short break away from this computer. I am fed up. This computer is making me crazy. I don't plan on adding to this site for awhile. I need to get my own computer hooked up to the Internet. I am not the computer administrator for the only computer with Internet access that I have access to.

I can not even log on to my email accounts. Nothing ever works around here. I use the computer more than anyone. I am not satisfied with just being able to get on line. Until I get my own computer hooked up I have to take a break for my own sanity.

New links

I have added some new sites to my links list. I need to edit my link list but I'll do it latter. I want to start more blogs so that my different interests will be better represented.

For instance sports. I just made a post about a boxing match and I want to use some of the material that has been posted on the web as part of my web page. There are a lot of fans out there who know what they are talking about.

I called it!

I was having a bad run but it seems like the stars are lining up for me again. Pavlik won and my prediction was correct.

I am depending on information I got from the internet. I still need to see the fight. I have been lied to before. this fight brings up questions like who is next, Hopkins or Winkyy Wright? I'm just happy I called it.

Another subject I should bring up is Marijuana and it's links to impaired cognitive function for people with MS.

"damn!"

It looks like I will not be smoking for a while. I'm not going to even lie and say never again. I am going to have to cut it back. maybe just on my birthday or holidays. Groundhogs day... just kidding. I have to watch it. I will be celebrating everyones birthday if I don't draw the line somewhere.

I guess it is kind of obvious about marijuana. In school I alaways smoked after the test not before it.

There is a article about marijuana on listed on my blog. I guess the hazzards might outway the benifits.

Parrr-Tay!

Hopefuly I'll have a good time tonight. I'm going out tonight. I'm not even going to say where. I can only say I'm a dog. " Woof, Woof. "They don't call me crazy for nothing.

I have not been keeping a very good record of my MS experiances. Most of the time I just wrie about What ever is on my mind. I guess what today is no exception. Just kidding... but not really.

My MS has not gotten worse but it has not really gotten better. My Deep Brain Stimulater works but not as much as I would like. I missed my last Dr's appointment becouse of the weather. I am over due for my tysabri infusoin.

I also have two apointments I should tallk about. An apointment with ITT tech. and a seminar about a business oppertunity. Ill have to talk about them latter.

Remember this?

I was a big Cosby show fan when I saw it I thought I would embed it



This is classic!

Bad karma?

What did I do? I picked the looser again. I seem to be stuck in a viscious circle. I am always picking looseers to win. It's a good thing I was too chicken to bet. I need that 50 bucks ( my maximum bet ). The Patriots are not my team but I was like alot of football fans. I beleived the odds makers. I could see the writing on the wall though. the giants were all business. Thats the way you have to be.

I am looking for Pavlik to win the Pavlik to win the rematch boxing match between Taylor and Pavlik.

O have been invited to a seminar about business oppoyunities on the internet. I'll be there I am skeptical but I need some doe. What can I say I beleive in capitalism.

Super Bowl Sunday

I doubt I will be doing much. but I will be watching the game. In better times I would make a big deal of it. It is a holiday after all. ;-p Now all I want is to sit at home and watch the game....GO Patriots! Do it for history. My team barely made the playoffs.( Washington Redskins )That's why I try not to gamble on sports.

My back has been hurting, I'm not sure why. The pain doesn't want to go away. I will be over a month overdue for my TYSABRI infusion. I missed my appointment becouse it snowed. I knew I should have paid the lady to give me a ride rather than depend on the drivers from logistacre. I think I may be able to get her rembursed for my ride.

I have to decided that I need to get in shape. All I need to do now is get motivated. My back problem is not helping. I will have to make myself do it. Wish me luck.

Wow!

I have seen this chair before but I still want one. I just saw the video on you tube.

Not much is going on here right now. My neighbor had a heart attack. It has me contemplating the meaning of life. Why does stuff like this happen. My MS makes me think about my mortality all the time. Is there a reason?

A plan

I need a plan. I have not accomplished much during my 33 years. I was named as the most likely person to succeed when I was younger. What happened? I have had some bad luck (The MS thing definitely goes in that category),but I have also made some bad mistakes. I will have to think about that. I need to come up with a plan.

I missed my DR'S appointment yesterday. My ride never showed up because it snowed. My cellphone battery is dead and the phone line at my mothers is not working. I won't be able to make any calls until I get to a working phone. I wonder if the DR'S office has an E-mail address.

I'm not even going in to it. I need a date. If something doesn't change I will be forced to take drastic measures. I have been to on line dating services but being disabled makes even dating that way hard.

A busy Week

I had court on Friday. My Ex was trying to get custody back of the kids. She never had a chance. I wanted her to be quiet when she was on the stand testifying. The lawyer was tarring her to pieces. She kept talking about what she was going to do and not about what she has done to show that she is fit to get the children back. The judge didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear it either.

I told the guardian ad-lidem about how my ex keeps talking like there was a possibility we might get back together. She is always tying to manipulate me. I did love her once.

It has taken a long time but I no longer care when she breaks up with her fiance (boyfriend). It seems like it is every other week. I don't care if she hates me or not. I just don't care.

I celebrated Christmas New years day, and Lilly's birthday(1/1/00). Everything seems to be working out O.K.

I have noticed my MS but I'm not sure if its new or if it's because I have been busier than usual. I am aways tired. I don't workout even though I need to. I just can't get motivated. It really takes a lot out of me.

The other thing bothering me is I need a date. I just want conversation and a movie.

I know things have changed when that's what I want from a woman. Sex would be nice but its not the most important thing.

Just watching videos...

I have been watching videos on you tube and I thought I would post a few. I'm in a hip hop mood, so if that's not your thing beware. I like all kinds of music and since I have MS now Rap might be the way for me to go. I can still sequence a decent beat using the computer. Rapping is out of the question though.

I Could't find the video but I used to play this song to death.

I found the problem.

The problem I have been having with my mothers computer is I am not the system administrator. I can't listen to Internet radio, use yahoo messenger, or use anything else that requires the administrators permission. I will most likely get the permission but it does bring up my other problem. I live with my mom.

I am disabled and that's the main reason I still live at home. I am dependant on rides. It has had negative affect on my dating situation. I have joint custody of two girls. It was awarded to me but my mother stood up in court and asked for joint custody. The judge asked if I wanted that but I felt like I had no choice but to agree to it. I have to live under my mothers roof. That's a problem and I'm going to try and fix it. I do not need kids thinking that what I say doesn't matter. If things were run my way I wouldn't have some of the problems I have now.

I hate computers!

I feel like I have 1000 pounds of TNT dippped in an olympic sized swiming pool of nitroglycerin and I want a cigaret. If I don't get this computer to work I might go NUCLEAR.

I cant get into the Yahoo games site to play chess.This always seems to happen when I get a new computer.


I just wanted to play a game or two. I am loosing a lot right now anyway. I always end up asking myself... Is it my MS? Could be. It could also be that I'm not watching what my opponent is doing becouse I'm concentrating on what I want to do becouse I'm so hungry for wins.

I just thoght I would make a post because I can still do that.

I'm using Vista the new microsoft operating system now. I have to fix my settings and look around to see all of the new features. I will wait to give my opinion about it.

It's Christmas!

Ba-humbug!

Just kidding. Merry Christmas. I didn't get everybody something but hopefully they will be able to forgive me. It's not about the gifts anyway, right? I just wanted to wish anyone who happened to stop by... MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Whatis the problem?

I am having trouble posting to the blog. I was on time for once. I would have been if I could have gotten blogger to post my blog anyway. Here are a few ideas I had for blogs.

1. A science and tachnology blog
2. Ecological advances
3. a chess blog
4. sports

Almost Chtistmas

Its almost Christmas and I still want to buy gifts. I think the true meaning of Christmas has been forgotten. there are not that many people who think of Jesus on the 25 of December.I include my self in that statement. I want to see what I got like everyone else.

Lily keeps talking about what she's getting from me for Christmas. like I have to get it. I'm going to get her somthing but," she better recognize."

I have been thinking about the fight and I have decided Floyd Mayweather can talk all he wants as long as he can back it up. He can.

I think Hatton lost the psychological war before the Fight began. He did have to box a little. Mayweather just sat back and waited for opportunities to present them selves. Hatton did have to impose his will but he needed to hit something and worry about defence. Even with that said you have to give it to Maywether. He is not a joke.

I am not sure how I started ruting for hatton anyway. Well I just thought he had a good shot. I guess I have a thing for the underdog. Believe me I want to see the little black boy that wants to be a physicist succeed just as much. I used to be one.

My MS seems to be geting worse. My tremors are worse. It was bad yesterday. I had a Dr's appointment so maybe its because I was tired. Ihope that is all it is.

I'm thinking about big changes here as soon as I can. I'm going to start more blogs ahnd leave links to them. Maybe then I can keep my different interests separate

Fight night!

The replay of the Maywether Hatton fight comes on tonight. I know who won and in what round, but I still want to see what happened. I guess I'm trying to live through other people. I still remember.

" I used tothrow hands with the best of them.........."

I need to let that go.

Boxing to me is almost pure sport. Man against man. It is not a fight really. I never gave anybody 10 secounds to get up in a real fight. Everything is fair game.

I have noticed that my balance is even worse then usual. I'll have to bring that up with my DR. I think I am having an exaserbation of my symptoms.

I picked the looser again...

I hate when that happens. I think I take it personally. Every body wishes they were right all of the time.

Floyd Mayweather knocked out Ricky Hatton in 7 rounds. I haven't seen the fight yet. I'm waiting to see a replay on HBO. I just saw that the knock out results were posted.

I can't always be right. I have proven it again.

I haven't chatted with my Friend Julie in a while. I'm trying to go visit her in Liverpool, England. I think the earliest I will be able to go is February. I still have to make plans if I go. I'm on a budget and I still need to get a passport. I need to have a serious talk with Julie before I make any plans.

My health is good. I don't have anything else to report.

Is that all?!

I put a counter on my blog yesterday. I have had 10 visitors since yesterday. That's depressing. I was hoping for more. I know the blog sucks but I'm trying to make it better. I use it mostly as a link page of the places I like to go anyway. It's my home page.

I think I'm going to move some of the personal stuff to my myspace page or start a new blog. My space is more of a social networking space. I should probably keep it MS related here.

I did try to ask some questions on the MS World message boards. I think my questions got erased because I left an address to my blog. That goes against the message boards policy. No addresses. Who knew? I never really read the terms and conditions when I sign up for stuff on line.

And now for an update on how I'm doing physically. Not great but I'm still here. I am becoming more dependent on my wheelchair ,but it is happening slowly. Baring new advances in medicine I will be confined to my wheel chair in 10 years, and my bladder... best not to even think about that. My deep brain stimulator does help but not much. I keep forgeting to turn it on when I wake up. I did it again today. I have to go do that.

Before I go I should say something about the trip to London I'm planing. I going to see my friend Julie who also has MS. As soon as I get my passport and make sure the kids are OK I'm gone. She thinks I'm kidding. I'm coming.

ITV Ventures?

I called ITV Ventures last week. I think I may give their entrepreneur opportunities. I don't think it could hurt, but I will have to read more about it. I don't want to take part of any get rich quick scheme and loose all of my money. I want to make money the honest way. I don't need that much

My weekend went Well. I visited a high school Friend. It went OK. He is also disabled. I am going to look into getting an apartment near where he lives.

my ms symptoms have not improved that much. I can type two handed again though, I am not sure its any faster then I type one handed.

I need to start eating healthier and exercising. I need to be in the best shape I can be in. Life is hard enough.

Computer problems...again

Sometimes I feel like I just can't catch a break. If it weren't for bad luck I just wouldn't have any. The computer I was using had a problem with the video card. I would just get a new card put in but my mother wants a new one. It's hers I guess but I don't really think she needs it. Email and maybe the adobe reader are all she will use it for. I wonder what vista is like.

I have finally added AdSense. I am not sure I did it correctly. I think I will start more blogs. I want to start a business from home. I'm always home anyway.

Yesterday I went to the Doctor to get my implant adjusted. I had it turned down to low. I was told to leave it on. I was only using it when i was doing something. I tuned it down because I was worried that my Brain would get used to the stimulator and stop having any affect. I had it turned down to low to get any therapeutic affect.

I'm keeping it on. Keep your fingers crossed.

It's Halloween!

The kids are with their Mom. They are going trick or treating. I hope they enjoy themselves.

I am listening to the health talk podcast on itunes right now. I probably shouldn't but I have but I have invested in stem cell research. I am hoping for a MS cure. I am opinionated and I have a Conservative view point. I tend to agree with republicans. I think the Bush declaration about stem cells is wrong. Conception does not take place until the embryo is implanted in the uterus.

I just wanted to say something. THE CURRENT AMERICAN POLICY ON STEM CELLS IS WRONG!

Lilly gets baptized

guardian daughter was baptised Sunday. Jasmine my other daughter will be baptised and confirmed soon. I am catholic. I don't know what their mother thinks about that. If the children stay here that is how they will be raised.

I was not able to update my blog on Friday. I am trying to make improvements. I might be able to get some kind of money with ad cents, which I should be getting soon. I think I will work on that today.

There is an article I need to read among the RSS feeds I subscribe to. It said something about nerve repair. That would be beautiful. That sounds interesting.

The Inplant

The Implant has been turned on. It hasn't been the miracle I was hoping for but I do seem to be able to do things I couldn't before. Type for one. I am using both hands again. It will only get better I hope.

I still have bad eye tremors so driving is still a bad idea. The improvement is a minor one I'm not sure how I should feel. I may have set myself up for disappointment. I think I may have to accept a few things. I am not and I may never again be the same man I was.

That's depressing thought. The truth hurts some times.

I will try to post some new pictures. Latter

10/15/07

I'm late posting again but I have an excuse. My Internet conection was down. I don't know whaat was wrong.It is working now! That's all I care about.

I still havent gotten my implant turned on. I still have all of the disabilities I had. I will get it turned on next thursday and then I will decide If the ordeal was worth it.

I think major changes might be coming to my blog soon. I am trying to get adsence. There is also a new way to post video without using youtube. I need to look into it more. I might post a music video or something. I can't play anymore but I can read music so computer music shouldnt be a problem. I havent giviven up with my playing just yet. I think I get the implant turned on Thursday.I will try to keep this blog posted.

The Surgery

I had my surgery and everything has gone well. I wasn't sure I could handle being awake while they worked on my head. I'm going to add pictures of the surgery.My mother knew I wanted some so we took some. I was really after some before and after video ,but I will post them and keep the site posted about my progress. I have a headache(surprise) so I will have to up date again when I get home. I'm in the mountains and I think all the trees are slowing down my satellite connection.