I'm having computer problems. I think I need to get a profesional look at it. I thought I knew a little about computers but I have tried everything I know how to do. The computer messed up when I was playing Yahoo chess. I was about to make a move I think would have hurt him bad. ( I think )

I got my Tysabri infusion yesterday. I feel good. I might even get around to make some improvments to my blog. ( probably not but it makes me feel good to lie about it )

I need to delete some of my Links. musiciansfreind is a good one. I can't play piano any more. I need to stop living in the past.

Say no to stress

I am trying to avoid stress whenever possible. It hasn't been working. I need to do a lot and putting it off just makes it worse.

My video camera is broken. I haven't even started to do everything I wanted to do with it. I wanted a different one anyway. Now I have a good reason to buy a new one. I need to go to my cre8buzz blog and figure out how to erase my old videos.

My Tysabri infusion is scheduled for Friday. I had to do a refill my prescription so I will be a little late getting it. I can tell.

I want a cable modem

It is hurracane season and it seams like every time it rains my DSL goes out. I want a cable modem. I can't do what I want to do. Make money.

Doesn't it seam like everything always comes back to that? I was reading one of the blogs I like to visit and reading about stem cells. The first thought that enteredmy head was "Sighn me up!"
Then after my initial exciyment had faded I thought how much would somthing like that cost?

It looks like I will be donating my body to science. Experiment on me...... please!

The potential benifits outway the risks. My daughter shouldn't have to see her daddy crawl on the floor.

That is a depesing image I just descibed so here is something more upbeat.

My daughter Jasmine's bithday was yesterday. She is fourteen. She got two Japaneese fighting fish. A Male and a female. She named them Dark heart and brite heart. They have nicknames but I forgot already. I'll have to find out wirhout letting her know I forgot lol. I'm sure i'll have fish to give away soon so put your bid in now.

Jasmine is having a Birthday party Saturday. I'll try to post Video

Hanna took out my internet connection

I survived the hurracane. It took out my internet conection. I haven't been on line for a few days. It was another reminder that I need a more dependable internet conection.

I need to read my MS RSS feeds. I don't want to mis out on any thing. I think I might edit my feeds. I like all of the feeds I like but I should probably keep this site MS related. I'm not sure. MS is not all MS'ers like to think about. I think I'm going to get my boxing blog started. I saw 2 good fights this weekend. I'm waiting on the Mosely Mayorga fight.

Mosely wins by Knockout. That is my prediction.

I want a cable modem

I have had problems logging on to the Internet. I might get a cable modem. That should help some.

My other problem is my computer is getting old. I only have 40GB on my hard drive. I'm going to either get a new computer or upgrade and fix this one. I don't need the graphics to play video games. I'm going to get someone who is qualified to look at it and make suggestions. I was thinking about getting a Macintosh. I was thinking about that or running Redhat, Firefly, or some other operating system on my computer. I'll wait to see what advice I get.

I guess I should say something about my MS. I have been doing well. Everything is relative. I'm not as bad as I have been but I'm not the person I used to be either. Don't feel bad for me. That guy I used to be had a lot of stuff with him.

Why can't I ever get my way?

This is not the first time I have tried to post to my blog today. The power was cut in the middle of my first paragraph. It just proves the point I was trying to make. Everything is always broken around here. It is either broken or it doesn't work. I know I should be happy, it could be worse. If I saw the first guy to ever say that I'd ask him if he meant that and then I'd push him off a bridge. I'm sure he would be convinced by my argument that sometimes it just sucks.

I will post a new video soon on my cr8buzz blog. I need to clean up. The house is a little messy. We are still moving in.

My MS seems to be okay If I can still say that. I have been tired but I have been doing a lot. I will try to post more video soon, especially if I can get you tube to work.

I Posted a video

I have finaly posted a video. I had to do it a way that I din't want to. I couldn't get my video to download onto youtube. I have it posted on my cre8buzz profile.

I think I destroyed the mystery of crazilynsane. I kind of liked people not knowing everything about me. I don't really like to be pitied.

I know that sounds like a contradiction becouse of everything I have written about myself here. I may have written about it but in my video you can see it.

That reminds me... In my video I said something about medtronic being in the newest issue of U.S. News. I did not mean to imply that I was going to be in the artcle. If you have MS like I do you understand. It just didn't come out right. I was talking about the deep brain stimulator surgery.

If you watch the video I appologize again for my appearance. I should never try to shave myself. I apparently missed a lot. Oh well...

I was going to leave this post with oh well but I went to see if it posted corectly and I noticed an ad for a web site about before and after MS. It got me thinking. Maybe I can find old video of me playing football or somthing.

Nellysford

I'm in Mellysford now. I have a lot to do.

My computer is hooked up to the internet! I can post video now. I'll have video up on this site soon. maybe Today it depends on how I feel. I'm tired now. I just wanted to say what's up.

"Waz up!"

Falling a lot lately

I have not been walking very well lately. I have been tired. I am going to look into a workout program. I know it might help a lot. The problem with the workout program is I can't find the energy to start. I have a lot I want to do but I procrastinate. The list of the things I want to do just keep growing.

I want to:
1) Add to or improve my web pages. ( myspace, cr8buzz, blogspot )
2) get my work out program started.
3)meet this woman I have been talking to me on the phone.
4)get my videos posted.

That is what I want to do right now. I will do it it is just taking me longer to get started than I would like.

Talked to Reese today

I was talking to a freind of mine today. I hope she knows I like her. I have trouble saying what I want to sometimes.

I have to call my DR. My prescription for Tysabri has run out. I have to get that refilled. I hope it will not be a problem.

My Family reuniun went well. I have video that I will post as soon as I can. I would post it now but I need to install software on this computer and I'm not the system administrator for this computer.

We had fun. I saw a lot of people I haven't seen for awhile. we are having it in San Antonio next year.

I havent been making my biweekly posts. I will hopefully have it the way I want soon.

cumputer problems.

I have not updated as much as i would like. I might post a video today and show off my new camera. II am in the process of moving so I have not been able to make my updates.

My MS is under control. I feel fine but I have to let my docter judge how well she thinks I am doing. I could think I'm ok but I'm not. I might be the last to know. I feel almost exactly the same as I have always felt until I stand up and try to walk.

Video of me walking might be a good thing to post.

I need to network

I have been keeping this blog for awhile now. I have been trying to in increase the amount of traffic that stops through here and it has com e to my attention that Ineed to add links. I have added links to interesting sites but maybe I need more. Maybe I need to resort to porn.

I was thinking about leaving a link just as a joke but I have standards. Who am I kidding I'm shameless! Just incase anyone cares I have gmail accounts to give out.



I am going to do something wth my myspace account too. My blog lists need to be editted and I want to add my own video. I might keep all that stuff on my cre8buzz profile.

My ms is okay but I am still a little tired. I was thinking about it and I would say I'm doing much better on Tysabri.

I'm tired and I think I'm starting to ramble on about nothing. so....c ya

depressed I think

I have been feeling depressed. My MS has been getting the better of me. At least I know what to expect. I am blaming all my problems on MS. I probably am not to far from the truth. I need DRUGS! the illegal kind. Marijuana.

Sorry I slip into that way of thinking sometimes. It's like a reflex or something. I don't really need any more problems. That can definitely cause problems. I was in a physiologist's office trying to deal with my daughters behavior problems. She suggested medication. My depression may be affecting the kids. They are already affected by their mom. They need someone to be there for them.

I have decided that I am going to write a book. A fictional story about a man that works in a music store who channels the spirit of another musician who died years before. He can not play an instrument unless he is possessed and he knows things he should not know.

I'm just thinking.

I bought a new camara

I now have a video camera so I should be posting video soon. It is a cheap camara I got from walmart, but its better than than no camera at all. Ideas are forming in my head as we speak. I even have the kids thinking. Jasmine's birthday is September 10. Hopefully we will have some fun.

I still have more things I want to get. I need a memory card for the camera and a new keboard. I want a lot more but that is the first thing that comes to mind. I have plans to put my own music and video on my blogs. My plan is to use my cre8buz blog for social networking and to keep my MS diary here with some rss feeds that other MSers might find helpful.

I haven't updated my blog for more than a week. I have been having computer problems. I always seem to have them. I think it's because I share a internet conection. That is my best guess.

cre8buzz

I have been trying to join the cre8buzz comunity. I have been looking at everyone elses blogs and it just makes me see even more how much work I need to do to make this site better

I need to edit my blog lists and add more pictures and video. I'm working on it.

I got a message

I recently got a message from someone MS'er at createbuzz.com. I now have verifiable evidence that my blog has been seen. Now all I need are a few million more and I will be able to take over theWORLD

i went to a MS men's group Saturday. I learned a lot and I got free stuff( free is always good ). They talked about depression and MS and about sports.

The sports was interesting to me because I do have the i nave dive to compete, at least I did before I got MS. I still feel bad because I didn't volunteer when one of the speakers asked for volunteers. Now I get to ask myself why didn't you volunteer?.....CHICKEN.

One of the speakers talked about adaptive equipment. I immediately had a daydream when he started talking about fishing. I haven't been fishing for years.

The other speaker who was there talked about the link between MS and depression. Iknew there was a link but I didn't realize how big it was. I learned that taking an anti depesant can actually help fight off an exasperation. I'm not a DR so I will have to read more before I say much more than that.. I know it does help with the physical symptoms of ms.

I think I will bring up my court appointment yesterday. It was an open and shut case. My ex, who brought this issue up, wasn't even in court. It was thrown out of court.

She has problems. She makes them for herself, so she is depressed.
That's why she gets high and I have the kids.

DR's Appointment Today

I will be in my Neurologist's office today. I have a few things I need to discuss with her. I will have to bring up how my feet got really swollen and my worsening balance. A prescription I need for a scooter. I will try to remember to say something about feprodine a new drug that seems to aide walking for people with MS. (I have no idea how to spell feprodine.)

I don't really want to talk about my feet but I guess I have too. I have to bring up how I drank a fith of gin during the two or three days when my feet were swollen.

I bought into gin and juice when Snoop Doggy Dog fist got popular. (I like mine with cranberry juice... my favorite!) My balance probably has a lot to do with that. By the way if that sounds bad you should have seen me in '93. I don't drink now but I guess I still have my moments.

I should be getting a scooter. That will be a big help. I didn't do well when I was in the mall. I was in my wheel chair but it was hot and the heat got to me. MS and the summer time don't go together.

I'm going to mention feprodine. I can't spell it but I do have an article from a paper. I need all the help I can get. I need to let go of the past too.

Why am I always Tired?

I am always tired because I have MS.

"duh."

I know why but it doesn't help me deal with the hot and humid weather I have had to deal with lately. I have wanted to get some improvement to my blog but I can't find the energy. I have to type one handed as it is.

I want to get a camraphone with gps so I can keep a better record of where I've been and what I have been doing. witch brings up another hurdle... Money.I am so broke I can't pay attention. I know that's an old joke even for me but I can't afford a joke book.

I am planing on making this a more interesting space. I might make it a community blog and let other people add to it. I think it would be better as a site on a web ring.

I was late again but my daughter Jasmine was using the computer (That's my story and I'm sticking to it).

I should mention that I gave Jasmine $80 dollars yesterday. She got it for getting good grades. I think it was 3 A's 2 B 's and a c. I was disappointed about the C because she only got that because of assignment that weren't turned in. I can't get mad because those are better grades than I got In the 8th grade. I will say this. Jasmine is smart like her Daddy. ;-P

Lilly still has issues. The games her mother plays are not helping her. I'll go into more detail latter. I'm tired now.

Watching You Tube

I have been watching videos by lauenvparrot on you tube. It's interesting to me. She has MS like I do and she is posting videos like I want to. I guess you could say I'm jealous.

I have been keeping this blog for awhile now. I think adding video is my next step. I have added video before but it was not what I really wanted to do. My camera is broken so I will have to buy a new one.

Lauren said somthing about stress and it is all true. I need to deal with things as well as I can and then let them go. I haven't always done that and it ends up hurting me in the end.

New blog list

I have just added a new blog list. If you are interested in MS info some of these blogs might be a good place to look. I'm not really a MS expert I just live with it everyday. I try to provide useful links but I know my diary is not strictly about MS.

"Sue me."

This site is really a personal one, but I am inviting you to share in my experiences. If you have any MS blogs you like leave me a message telling me where they are. I will post a link. I really want all interesting blogs but I'm just posting the MS blogs here.

Time to call the doctor.

I have been feeling tired and sluggish for awhile now. It has been hard for me to realize what was happening because I am always tired. Fatigue is a part of my MS. I have a new problem to go with the slight increase in my tiredness. My feet are swollen.

I don't know what causes that but hopefully I can find out. My daughter Jasmine pointed it out to me.

"Daddy your feet feet are swollen...ewww!"

I heard something funny about feet. He said " When you talk to younguns tell them to take pictures of their feet because they will nevr look like that again." (The father from the Wayans Bros.)

It was something like that. I haven't given up hope just yet. The dogs are still not past the point of no return. I'm calling my doctor today. It might be something serious.

Jasmine and Lilly are with thier mom. She has them for a week. I'm angry about that because she is supposed to have a urine test done and she hasn't. She said sunday that she would have it monday so I was a nice guy and said ok. On monday she said she would have it Tuesday. If she doesn't have it today I am going up to her house and getting the kids.

Cindy doesn't really have any parental rights now. She only visits with them because we let her.

I'll go before I start cursing.

" #@@$#@$ @#!@( "

Too late. I don't need this.

I added search

Ihave just added search to my blog. Feel free to make as many searches as you would like. "cha-ching"

I had to do somthing to make this blog better. Hopefully a monitary incentive will give me the desire to make this a half-way decent space.

I think I'll add my own video next. The kids are out of school for the summer
vacation. It means i have coscripts... I mean actors for my movvies.

I am exhousted

I'm not really tired now but I was yesterday. I could not move my legs. I had to lay on the floor for a few minutes before I got up and pulled myself into bed.

I have been like that before but it still worries me. I know exactly what causes it. I can't take the heat. The summer time is the worst time...NOW.

I blame the weather for my receent mistakes. (It's a good thing when you have something to blame.) I forgot about a scheduled meeting for the kids. I told thier mother she could pick them up today. My fault. I will have to make up for that.

I have to get my @$^! together and make the improvements to my blog. What did I say about blame?

That right! I'll make improvements latter. I'm otta here.

kid venture

I need to make a call and get my kids signed up for kid venture. It's an activity for kids with a parent with MS. They din't want to go until their cousin went to somthing similar and rode on the " zip line." Now they want to go too. I hope it isn't to late to register.

I am looking into adding search to the site. I'm trying to increase this blogs visability. it is just a diary now but I'm trying to make it more. I know I say that a lot but it is the truth. I'm adding my own videos when I can.

Is it that obvious?

I was adding a picture to my blog and I showed it to my mom. The first thing she said was " why do you want a restroom picture on your blog? "

I didn't realize it was so easy to tell where I got the picture. I'm going to leave it for now. I will change it as soon as possible. Many of the people with MS are familiar with the sign anyway.

Another change I want to make is to add an animation to the blog. I might try now if I have the time. I still have to get ready for the birthday/memorial day cookout we are having. If you were wondering my birthday is Wednesday.

I will be 34. (gee golly... thanks. Your interest in my birthday is appreciated.)

I will be adding to this site soon. I was thinking some animation and maybe some poll questions. I am going to increase (create) readership here.

Life changes

I am going to make big changes. I have decided that I no longer smoke marijuana. I am going to try and get meaningful employment. I am going to try and regain some of my lost movement. I am going to try and take more of an active role in MY kids upbringing. I just don't like my current situation.

The weed thing isn't going to be fun. Marijuana is illegal so that's one reason to quit. I have heard it can help with MS, but I have also heard it can hurt. I don't have to worry about it now one way or the other.

I need more money. Work would be a blessing. It would also give me something to do. Staying home all the time is boring.

I was an athlete at one time. Working out " ain't nothin but a thing." I'm going for the natural high that working out can give you.

The last thing I was going to write about were my kids. For now I consider both of them mine. There is no doubt about Jasmine. Do I really need to say more?

I'm on time!

I am updating my blog on the day I said I would for once (Mondays and Thursdays). I blame MS for my laziness. I am only joking but the depressing thing is it's probably true.

I want to make improvements to this blog. I want a graphical header and posting my own videos would be nice. My pictures are all old. My links need to be edited. I should take a poll.... Why does mylife suck? (just kidding)The poll idea would be a good one if anyone actualy read my blog. It is just for me really.


I need to get a new camera. the old one broke. I think I might be able to find a nice one at a pawn shop. I'll buy it as soon as I find a million dollar lotto ticket on the sidewalk.


I'm stressing my self out about my daughters cheerleading tryouts. I want to support her but I can't afford it. I need to come up with $90... and a ride to the DR's office.

I think I'm over my ex today. yesterday I wasn't sure. When I think about it I am when I don't I'm not. It must be a hormonal thing. I'll write more... latter.

I loose...again

I have just been playing chess. I was pretty good but I can't seem to win. I fall for tricks I shouldn't. it makes me mad. I am having a bad day.

I did have some good news. I have been given a list of resourses that might help with my dis ability.

Chow.

I do what I can

I try to do what I can but it's not always enough. I haven't kept this blog up to date like I have wanted to. I still need to add a graphical header and edit my links list. I don't really go to a lot of those sites anymore.

cardomain.com for example. I wanted to fix up my car and post pictures of it there. I had a 96 Nissan 240sx. It wasn't just going to look fast. The car that came stock straight from the dealer couldn't have touched me.

I don't have a car or a license now. It is just as well. I like to go fast. I have matured a lot since my high school days but I might have been tempted.

O.k. time for me to say something crazy!

I still care about my ex.

There has been too much stuff that has happened between us and she has a boyfreind.(who I can't stand), but I did feel for her when she came by yesterday. She was picking up her daughter Lilly for a visit. My mother found some of Lilly's underpants hidden in the bushes in front of my house. She almost didn't get to visit with her Mom. Cindy was trying not to but she almost started to cry. It was paifull to see.

Lilly needs to understand. Soiling her clothes is one thing. Lying about it is another. Lying is unacceptible at my mothers house. Lilly did get to go with her mom but she is still in trouble when she gets back.

I'm tired now so I have to go. see you next time.

More Information

I need more information. There is a group that lends money to people with MS so they can buy scooters and make their houses handicapped accessible. I'm going to look into it. I'll keep this web site posted with my progress.

I don't read much theese days but I am going to go see if I can catch up on some of the magazine article I have wanted to read. I don't have good eye sight so I don't read like I used to. My mother suggested that I get some books on tape. I guess I'll try it.

I haven't been keeping up with my journal. I need to do a beter job of updating it. Mondays and thursdays are the days.

I need drugs!

I'm not talking about illegal drugs, I'm talking about medication. If you are expecting me to advocate medical marijuana I'm not going to do it.

I do use the weed from time to time. I got some information that it can cause problems. I also hear it can help. I'll just smoke a lot less than I used to. I never really smoked because of MS.

My MS symptoms have been bad for a week. I'm tired right now. I'll solder on. I have fans who need me. ;-P

I'm going to add a graphical header to this blog. I already changed the colors. I am not sure I like it. maybe it will grow on me. I am also looking at adding my calender to my blog.

There are some interesting articles in MOMENTUM magazine. I think I'm going to read them now.

BYE

still learning

Im still learning how to trade using on the stock market. So far I'm up 1.6 percent since April 29. I would be up more but exon isn't where I thought it should be. I'mnot getting the return I want. I am stcking with it though. I know it's coming down eventualy. I didn't think it would be this soon. I think it can go higher. I'm going to invest more.

I went to the DR today. I have to get a prescription for a scooter and aqua physical therapy in the pool. I haven't given up walking just yet.

Can't anything be easy?

My investment stratigy

Diversify... That's all I Know at this point.

I'm going to invest money evenly between property, stocks, and the bank. If I take a loss in one area then I will hopefully have something to fall back on. If I make a good profit in one area I will take the profits and redistribute them so my investments are evenly diversified again.

That's the plan. I have started off buying imaginary stocks with updown.com . I want to make sure I know what I am doing before I start risking real money so far I have made about a 1% imaginary profit with my imaginary money. Not bad for 2 months but I feel I can do better once I learn the, "game."

Being broke all the time sucks. I want to leave something for the kids. I haven't been able to work because of Multiple Sclerosis and this is my only plan of making money so far.

I need to make better investments

I am a updown investor which means I am pretending to play the stock market. Today was a good day for the stock market but I am not really making (imaginary) money I am ahead but not as much as I want to be. My plan is to learn how to play the stock market with updown.com then to invest what little money I have and hopefully make money.

Apparently I'm not ready. I have barely made a profit. I am just treading water. I need to get some investment books. I have read about Warren Buffit that is the type of company I'm trying to keep.


I have just been invited to the movies. I have t8o update later.

I am participating!

What am I participating in?

Everything!

I have decided to try to get involved in every MS related activity that I am offered. Everything I can anyway.

There is a woman writing a book about people with MS. I forget her name. She is looking for submitted material for her book from people with MS. This could be my only chance to get published. writing a book is hard.

I called Julie yesterday. I talked for an hour about nothing. I think she might have been depressed. She has MS too and she is experiencing worsening of her MS symptoms.

If I can get the money together I think I'm going to visit her. She probably gives really good hugs. (from what I understand she's stacked) lol

I used to chat with her all the time before my old computer blew up. I need to get the software we were using downloaded to this computer. I need to get the system administrators permission. This isn't my computer.

I have a web cam and a mic and so does she. That would be cool.

Late again

Nothing much has changed with me. I'm late updating as usual. I couldn't get enough energy together to write yesterday. I feel I am adequately ashamed of myself, so the hate mail is unnecessary. I understand that I have a legion of adoring fans who depend on me.

Google is starting something new called gblogs. It looks interesting. I have to look into it. I'm not sure how it's supposed to work but I don't think It is time sensitive. You don't have to post in chronological order. I doubt it would afect this blog much but it might give me the incentive to start other blogs I have wanted to start for awhile.

I think I am going to print out my past posts so I can start again. I don't really know how much space I have so I'm not sure.

I also saw something about the blogger help videos on utube. That's something I need to look into.

I'm out.( I have finished the blog entry and I am retiring for the day. )lol

A date?

I have gotten a message on a dating site that I use. Someone asked me what would I say if someone I liked but not loved said they wanted to be with me. I answered the question as honestly as I could. I hope I hear from her again.

I have not updated my blog in awhile. Tomarrow I will try to return to the Monday and Thursday update schedule I have made for myself. Updating this blog lets me see how I have changed over time.

I got a DVD in the mail as a complimentary gift for my $100 pledge I made to WETA, the Public Tv station. I have wanted to do it for a long time. Now I am officialy a contributer and supporter of Public Television.

I hope this attractive desirable woman knows what she is getting into....it's been awhile. I will do my best to make her happy.

OUCH!

I have Finlay started to use my updown.com account. I have lost about $300 so far. I have made some impulse stock picks. In the future I need to do a better job of researching the companies before I buy. I believe in the companies so I'm going to ride the down turn out. I'm not making anymore moves until after I do some research. I think I will be more of a long term invest er. I'm not making any more sudden moves unless I can see a clear trend. It's a good thing it's only for pretend.

The only thing happening lately involves my daughters. They spent a week at their mother's house. When it was time for them to come home their mother just didn't bring them back. She thinks she can do whatever she wants with them. That is not what the judge said. One day when she does get it she will be in for a rude awaking.She is lucky I let her see them at all.

My MS seems a little worse. My tremors ,balance and my energy level. I am typing one handed again. I have decided that I will stop worrying about what I can't control. I will ,for example trust in the court system handle any problems I have with the children's mother.

Depresion sucks

I must be depressed right now. I know I shouldn't let things get me down. I am trying not to let what other people do affect me. I just have to depend on myself. I was the life of a party but it can be hard partying by yourself. It's not as bad as it seems.

I saw HORTON HEARS A WHO saterday . I give it 4 out of 5 stars. I liked it but I was a Dr. Suess fan when I was a kid. I'm the cat in a hat.

I don't have much to say today. I might just post a video or somthing. Hopfully I will think of somthing by Thursday.



It took me a long time to learn this song. I couldn't play it now if I tried.

I'm a sucker

I hope this was not a mistake. I bought a new web site so I can sell some of my intellectual capital.( That's all I got )If I can get everything together I'm starting my own record Label.

I really haven't gotten past the idea stage. I still need to work on my business plan. I have a lot of work to do before I can start accepting music from people trying to get herd. I can hopefully create a small independent label that will become a vehicle for artists trying to reach the majors.

I might be able to get my own music herd.

My daughter has dreams of being a rock star and a clothing designer. I have my doubts. It will take dedication and hard work. Even then there is a lot of work involved. I will help her WORK to achieve her goals. I have dreams too

When every thing is set up I will post a link here.

Depresion

I guess Im an excellent example of the link of MS and depression. I make plans and then don't follow through with them because things don't happen the way I want. I'm a dreamer and not a doer.The conference I went to on Saturday is a good example.

I learned a lot and I did buy a book from one of the guest speakers. I did not talk with any of the females that were in attendance. When I did speak it was not about dating. It just wasn't the time or the place.

The book I got was HEALTHCARE for LESS by Michelle Katz. I haven't started reading it yet,but I think it has a lot of good information. It goes into greater detail about what she she spoke about at the conference.

I forgot the other speakers name, but he was speaking about investing. I was very interested. I need to figure out how I can aply the information to my situation. I should have taken notes. At least I could have brought my voice recorder. I have a few investment sites in my links list. I haven't used them yet. (see paragraph one) I have plans.

When I do invest I will probably take a lot of risk. You want to buy low and sell high right? It's pretty low now. I need to get started. I have a lot to learn. I want to offset the amount of risk by learning as much as I can about a company befoe I Invest.

How much?

I have just been thinking. I wonder how much it would cost to hire a secratary to type my diary. I don't keep it updated as much as I should. I think the accepted norm is two updates a week. I am only trying for once a week and I haven't really been succeding. There is nothing to write about. My life is boring.

I am going to a MS meeting for young adults with MS. I should be able to learn better coping skills and about the current state of MS research, but all I can think about is I hope I meet someone who wants to date.

I know its bad. I haven't had a date in...thats pivate! You know its bad when I can't mention it here.

I think I'm going to try two updates this week. I will also be adding a link to my profile on a dating site.

I need a date!

I can't stay away...

As long as I have an Internet connection I'm going to use it. I'm' still angry about the problems I've been having with this computer.

I have not really talked much about my MS in awhile. I guess I have been avoiding it. It is not something I like to think about. I need to write more about my experiences. This is my multiple sclerosis web page after all.

I my symptoms have stayed about the same. They might have even gotten a little worse. The improvement I received from my deep brain stimulator has not been as much as I was hoping for. I don't know if it was worth the the stress of surgery. I have gotten some improvement but I am starting to wonder if the improvement was worth it. I still want a cure so I doubt I'll be Happy with anything less.

I have been a little depressing so here is something funny.

It's a wedding!

I'm taking a break

I will be taking a short break away from this computer. I am fed up. This computer is making me crazy. I don't plan on adding to this site for awhile. I need to get my own computer hooked up to the Internet. I am not the computer administrator for the only computer with Internet access that I have access to.

I can not even log on to my email accounts. Nothing ever works around here. I use the computer more than anyone. I am not satisfied with just being able to get on line. Until I get my own computer hooked up I have to take a break for my own sanity.

New links

I have added some new sites to my links list. I need to edit my link list but I'll do it latter. I want to start more blogs so that my different interests will be better represented.

For instance sports. I just made a post about a boxing match and I want to use some of the material that has been posted on the web as part of my web page. There are a lot of fans out there who know what they are talking about.

I called it!

I was having a bad run but it seems like the stars are lining up for me again. Pavlik won and my prediction was correct.

I am depending on information I got from the internet. I still need to see the fight. I have been lied to before. this fight brings up questions like who is next, Hopkins or Winkyy Wright? I'm just happy I called it.

Another subject I should bring up is Marijuana and it's links to impaired cognitive function for people with MS.

"damn!"

It looks like I will not be smoking for a while. I'm not going to even lie and say never again. I am going to have to cut it back. maybe just on my birthday or holidays. Groundhogs day... just kidding. I have to watch it. I will be celebrating everyones birthday if I don't draw the line somewhere.

I guess it is kind of obvious about marijuana. In school I alaways smoked after the test not before it.

There is a article about marijuana on listed on my blog. I guess the hazzards might outway the benifits.

Parrr-Tay!

Hopefuly I'll have a good time tonight. I'm going out tonight. I'm not even going to say where. I can only say I'm a dog. " Woof, Woof. "They don't call me crazy for nothing.

I have not been keeping a very good record of my MS experiances. Most of the time I just wrie about What ever is on my mind. I guess what today is no exception. Just kidding... but not really.

My MS has not gotten worse but it has not really gotten better. My Deep Brain Stimulater works but not as much as I would like. I missed my last Dr's appointment becouse of the weather. I am over due for my tysabri infusoin.

I also have two apointments I should tallk about. An apointment with ITT tech. and a seminar about a business oppertunity. Ill have to talk about them latter.

Remember this?

I was a big Cosby show fan when I saw it I thought I would embed it



This is classic!

Bad karma?

What did I do? I picked the looser again. I seem to be stuck in a viscious circle. I am always picking looseers to win. It's a good thing I was too chicken to bet. I need that 50 bucks ( my maximum bet ). The Patriots are not my team but I was like alot of football fans. I beleived the odds makers. I could see the writing on the wall though. the giants were all business. Thats the way you have to be.

I am looking for Pavlik to win the Pavlik to win the rematch boxing match between Taylor and Pavlik.

O have been invited to a seminar about business oppoyunities on the internet. I'll be there I am skeptical but I need some doe. What can I say I beleive in capitalism.

Super Bowl Sunday

I doubt I will be doing much. but I will be watching the game. In better times I would make a big deal of it. It is a holiday after all. ;-p Now all I want is to sit at home and watch the game....GO Patriots! Do it for history. My team barely made the playoffs.( Washington Redskins )That's why I try not to gamble on sports.

My back has been hurting, I'm not sure why. The pain doesn't want to go away. I will be over a month overdue for my TYSABRI infusion. I missed my appointment becouse it snowed. I knew I should have paid the lady to give me a ride rather than depend on the drivers from logistacre. I think I may be able to get her rembursed for my ride.

I have to decided that I need to get in shape. All I need to do now is get motivated. My back problem is not helping. I will have to make myself do it. Wish me luck.

Wow!

I have seen this chair before but I still want one. I just saw the video on you tube.

Not much is going on here right now. My neighbor had a heart attack. It has me contemplating the meaning of life. Why does stuff like this happen. My MS makes me think about my mortality all the time. Is there a reason?

A plan

I need a plan. I have not accomplished much during my 33 years. I was named as the most likely person to succeed when I was younger. What happened? I have had some bad luck (The MS thing definitely goes in that category),but I have also made some bad mistakes. I will have to think about that. I need to come up with a plan.

I missed my DR'S appointment yesterday. My ride never showed up because it snowed. My cellphone battery is dead and the phone line at my mothers is not working. I won't be able to make any calls until I get to a working phone. I wonder if the DR'S office has an E-mail address.

I'm not even going in to it. I need a date. If something doesn't change I will be forced to take drastic measures. I have been to on line dating services but being disabled makes even dating that way hard.

A busy Week

I had court on Friday. My Ex was trying to get custody back of the kids. She never had a chance. I wanted her to be quiet when she was on the stand testifying. The lawyer was tarring her to pieces. She kept talking about what she was going to do and not about what she has done to show that she is fit to get the children back. The judge didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear it either.

I told the guardian ad-lidem about how my ex keeps talking like there was a possibility we might get back together. She is always tying to manipulate me. I did love her once.

It has taken a long time but I no longer care when she breaks up with her fiance (boyfriend). It seems like it is every other week. I don't care if she hates me or not. I just don't care.

I celebrated Christmas New years day, and Lilly's birthday(1/1/00). Everything seems to be working out O.K.

I have noticed my MS but I'm not sure if its new or if it's because I have been busier than usual. I am aways tired. I don't workout even though I need to. I just can't get motivated. It really takes a lot out of me.

The other thing bothering me is I need a date. I just want conversation and a movie.

I know things have changed when that's what I want from a woman. Sex would be nice but its not the most important thing.

Just watching videos...

I have been watching videos on you tube and I thought I would post a few. I'm in a hip hop mood, so if that's not your thing beware. I like all kinds of music and since I have MS now Rap might be the way for me to go. I can still sequence a decent beat using the computer. Rapping is out of the question though.

I Could't find the video but I used to play this song to death.

I found the problem.

The problem I have been having with my mothers computer is I am not the system administrator. I can't listen to Internet radio, use yahoo messenger, or use anything else that requires the administrators permission. I will most likely get the permission but it does bring up my other problem. I live with my mom.

I am disabled and that's the main reason I still live at home. I am dependant on rides. It has had negative affect on my dating situation. I have joint custody of two girls. It was awarded to me but my mother stood up in court and asked for joint custody. The judge asked if I wanted that but I felt like I had no choice but to agree to it. I have to live under my mothers roof. That's a problem and I'm going to try and fix it. I do not need kids thinking that what I say doesn't matter. If things were run my way I wouldn't have some of the problems I have now.

I hate computers!

I feel like I have 1000 pounds of TNT dippped in an olympic sized swiming pool of nitroglycerin and I want a cigaret. If I don't get this computer to work I might go NUCLEAR.

I cant get into the Yahoo games site to play chess.This always seems to happen when I get a new computer.


I just wanted to play a game or two. I am loosing a lot right now anyway. I always end up asking myself... Is it my MS? Could be. It could also be that I'm not watching what my opponent is doing becouse I'm concentrating on what I want to do becouse I'm so hungry for wins.

I just thoght I would make a post because I can still do that.

I'm using Vista the new microsoft operating system now. I have to fix my settings and look around to see all of the new features. I will wait to give my opinion about it.

It's Christmas!

Ba-humbug!

Just kidding. Merry Christmas. I didn't get everybody something but hopefully they will be able to forgive me. It's not about the gifts anyway, right? I just wanted to wish anyone who happened to stop by... MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Whatis the problem?

I am having trouble posting to the blog. I was on time for once. I would have been if I could have gotten blogger to post my blog anyway. Here are a few ideas I had for blogs.

1. A science and tachnology blog
2. Ecological advances
3. a chess blog
4. sports

Almost Chtistmas

Its almost Christmas and I still want to buy gifts. I think the true meaning of Christmas has been forgotten. there are not that many people who think of Jesus on the 25 of December.I include my self in that statement. I want to see what I got like everyone else.

Lily keeps talking about what she's getting from me for Christmas. like I have to get it. I'm going to get her somthing but," she better recognize."

I have been thinking about the fight and I have decided Floyd Mayweather can talk all he wants as long as he can back it up. He can.

I think Hatton lost the psychological war before the Fight began. He did have to box a little. Mayweather just sat back and waited for opportunities to present them selves. Hatton did have to impose his will but he needed to hit something and worry about defence. Even with that said you have to give it to Maywether. He is not a joke.

I am not sure how I started ruting for hatton anyway. Well I just thought he had a good shot. I guess I have a thing for the underdog. Believe me I want to see the little black boy that wants to be a physicist succeed just as much. I used to be one.

My MS seems to be geting worse. My tremors are worse. It was bad yesterday. I had a Dr's appointment so maybe its because I was tired. Ihope that is all it is.

I'm thinking about big changes here as soon as I can. I'm going to start more blogs ahnd leave links to them. Maybe then I can keep my different interests separate

Fight night!

The replay of the Maywether Hatton fight comes on tonight. I know who won and in what round, but I still want to see what happened. I guess I'm trying to live through other people. I still remember.

" I used tothrow hands with the best of them.........."

I need to let that go.

Boxing to me is almost pure sport. Man against man. It is not a fight really. I never gave anybody 10 secounds to get up in a real fight. Everything is fair game.

I have noticed that my balance is even worse then usual. I'll have to bring that up with my DR. I think I am having an exaserbation of my symptoms.

I picked the looser again...

I hate when that happens. I think I take it personally. Every body wishes they were right all of the time.

Floyd Mayweather knocked out Ricky Hatton in 7 rounds. I haven't seen the fight yet. I'm waiting to see a replay on HBO. I just saw that the knock out results were posted.

I can't always be right. I have proven it again.

I haven't chatted with my Friend Julie in a while. I'm trying to go visit her in Liverpool, England. I think the earliest I will be able to go is February. I still have to make plans if I go. I'm on a budget and I still need to get a passport. I need to have a serious talk with Julie before I make any plans.

My health is good. I don't have anything else to report.

Is that all?!

I put a counter on my blog yesterday. I have had 10 visitors since yesterday. That's depressing. I was hoping for more. I know the blog sucks but I'm trying to make it better. I use it mostly as a link page of the places I like to go anyway. It's my home page.

I think I'm going to move some of the personal stuff to my myspace page or start a new blog. My space is more of a social networking space. I should probably keep it MS related here.

I did try to ask some questions on the MS World message boards. I think my questions got erased because I left an address to my blog. That goes against the message boards policy. No addresses. Who knew? I never really read the terms and conditions when I sign up for stuff on line.

And now for an update on how I'm doing physically. Not great but I'm still here. I am becoming more dependent on my wheelchair ,but it is happening slowly. Baring new advances in medicine I will be confined to my wheel chair in 10 years, and my bladder... best not to even think about that. My deep brain stimulator does help but not much. I keep forgeting to turn it on when I wake up. I did it again today. I have to go do that.

Before I go I should say something about the trip to London I'm planing. I going to see my friend Julie who also has MS. As soon as I get my passport and make sure the kids are OK I'm gone. She thinks I'm kidding. I'm coming.

ITV Ventures?

I called ITV Ventures last week. I think I may give their entrepreneur opportunities. I don't think it could hurt, but I will have to read more about it. I don't want to take part of any get rich quick scheme and loose all of my money. I want to make money the honest way. I don't need that much

My weekend went Well. I visited a high school Friend. It went OK. He is also disabled. I am going to look into getting an apartment near where he lives.

my ms symptoms have not improved that much. I can type two handed again though, I am not sure its any faster then I type one handed.

I need to start eating healthier and exercising. I need to be in the best shape I can be in. Life is hard enough.

Computer problems...again

Sometimes I feel like I just can't catch a break. If it weren't for bad luck I just wouldn't have any. The computer I was using had a problem with the video card. I would just get a new card put in but my mother wants a new one. It's hers I guess but I don't really think she needs it. Email and maybe the adobe reader are all she will use it for. I wonder what vista is like.

I have finally added AdSense. I am not sure I did it correctly. I think I will start more blogs. I want to start a business from home. I'm always home anyway.

Yesterday I went to the Doctor to get my implant adjusted. I had it turned down to low. I was told to leave it on. I was only using it when i was doing something. I tuned it down because I was worried that my Brain would get used to the stimulator and stop having any affect. I had it turned down to low to get any therapeutic affect.

I'm keeping it on. Keep your fingers crossed.

It's Halloween!

The kids are with their Mom. They are going trick or treating. I hope they enjoy themselves.

I am listening to the health talk podcast on itunes right now. I probably shouldn't but I have but I have invested in stem cell research. I am hoping for a MS cure. I am opinionated and I have a Conservative view point. I tend to agree with republicans. I think the Bush declaration about stem cells is wrong. Conception does not take place until the embryo is implanted in the uterus.

I just wanted to say something. THE CURRENT AMERICAN POLICY ON STEM CELLS IS WRONG!

Lilly gets baptized

guardian daughter was baptised Sunday. Jasmine my other daughter will be baptised and confirmed soon. I am catholic. I don't know what their mother thinks about that. If the children stay here that is how they will be raised.

I was not able to update my blog on Friday. I am trying to make improvements. I might be able to get some kind of money with ad cents, which I should be getting soon. I think I will work on that today.

There is an article I need to read among the RSS feeds I subscribe to. It said something about nerve repair. That would be beautiful. That sounds interesting.

The Inplant

The Implant has been turned on. It hasn't been the miracle I was hoping for but I do seem to be able to do things I couldn't before. Type for one. I am using both hands again. It will only get better I hope.

I still have bad eye tremors so driving is still a bad idea. The improvement is a minor one I'm not sure how I should feel. I may have set myself up for disappointment. I think I may have to accept a few things. I am not and I may never again be the same man I was.

That's depressing thought. The truth hurts some times.

I will try to post some new pictures. Latter

10/15/07

I'm late posting again but I have an excuse. My Internet conection was down. I don't know whaat was wrong.It is working now! That's all I care about.

I still havent gotten my implant turned on. I still have all of the disabilities I had. I will get it turned on next thursday and then I will decide If the ordeal was worth it.

I think major changes might be coming to my blog soon. I am trying to get adsence. There is also a new way to post video without using youtube. I need to look into it more. I might post a music video or something. I can't play anymore but I can read music so computer music shouldnt be a problem. I havent giviven up with my playing just yet. I think I get the implant turned on Thursday.I will try to keep this blog posted.

The Surgery

I had my surgery and everything has gone well. I wasn't sure I could handle being awake while they worked on my head. I'm going to add pictures of the surgery.My mother knew I wanted some so we took some. I was really after some before and after video ,but I will post them and keep the site posted about my progress. I have a headache(surprise) so I will have to up date again when I get home. I'm in the mountains and I think all the trees are slowing down my satellite connection.

Pre OP tomorrow

I have paper work to fill out before my deep brain stimulation surgery. I also have to change my do not resuscitate order. If something were to happen they need to go ahead and bring the kid back. (That's me!) I filled out the order a long time ago. I guess my Roman Catholic sense of morals say one thing but reality says something else. In any case I don't want to be half brain dead.

There are videos of people who have had the surgery on Just look up "deep brain stimulation"

Hopefully the surgery will help me a lot.

On Wensday, the day of the surgery, I will get an MRI. Then I will get pain medication. I will be awake the entire time for the fist part of the surgery. They need my input.

I will thankfully be asleep for the second part of the surgery. They will install a control device in my chest. Just call me robot.

I am having second thoughts now that the surgery approaches but my mind is made up. I am accepting all the help I can get.

Should I still get the surgery?

I am not really anxious to get the brain surgery on the 3 but I think it might help me a lot. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up but I would love to drive again. I would also like to type again. I type one handed now. My tremors are aggravating. If I can get some kind of help with them I would be grateful I think at this point I am ready to try anything.

My major concern right now is a possible conflict with my MS medication and the surgery. There have been problems with Tysabri and people with weekend immune systems. It was even taken of the market temporarily. Now you can only get it with close supervision. I am in a Dr's office when I take it. Right now I am confused I can't get anyone to return my calls.

Where is that thing at?

I'm looking for the paper with the date on it that I have to fill out the paperwork so I can get this BRAIN SURGERY. I think the date might conflict with the date of my Tysabri infusion. I need to speak with my neuroligist to make sure The surgery can even be done while I'm on Tysabri. I think she knows but I want to be sure. People with weakend imune systems have died on Tysabri.

A NEW VIDEO

This is a new video some one at MS World gave me. It is kind of inspirational.

My Ms log

Sorry I have not updated my blog on Friday like I said I would. I was online all Friday too. I think I was playing chess. I did make some improvements. I have posted some Multiple Sclerosis related videos that might be interesting. I haven't watched them all.

My ms seems to have become more manageable after my new tysabri infusion but I have not gotten as much relief from my symptoms as I was hoping to get. I hope the surgery I am scheduled to get goes well.

In my personal life I celebrated my daughters 13 birthday by going out to eat and going to a movie. My mother my niece, my daughter ,my daughters Friend Ashley and me ate at the Olive Garden. It has been my daughters favorite restraint since we ate there on Father's Day 2002.

We went to see the Nanny Dairy's after we ate. I didn't like the movie. I haven't asked my daughter what she thought but i don't think she liked it either. At least she got to spend the night at her Friend Ashleys' house.

!@%$

I'm mad again. I was trying to get a slideshow for my blog. I can't get it to work. I ended up erasing my picture and I... I just thoaght about how I can get my picture back. I have it on my flickr acount.

I am tired now so I will have to do it tomorrow. I want to use a slideshow anyway. I almost got it to work but they were'nt my pictures so I erased it. I will get It eventualy.

My very small but very important readers will be plesed to know that I have a rss feed now. I'm big time! Now I just need the slide show and adsence. I don't think that therre is really anybody reading my blog but.....MONEY is MONEY!

New med

I started my Tysabri infusion yesterday. So far it seems to be working OK. I haven't had any bad reactions to the med. I already feel a Little better. I am a Little worried about how the med and the surgery I am scheduled to get might conflict. There is a danger of plr. I think that's the acronym. It would be bad news for me.

My responce to the med is so good I think that If I could get better with the surgery (If it is safe for me to get) I might be able to drive. I have my fingers crossed.

I don't have time now but I'm going to try to update again later.

Scared?

Who said I'm scared? I don't know the meaning of the word. I'm not that kind of guy. I'm no chicken. Chicken is what I eat for dinner. I'm BOLD and I'm BEATIFUL. There is nothing to fear but fear it's self. Scared is for sissies.

I guess you would have to classify how I feel as aprehensive. I think you could say I'm a little stressed. you might even say I'm averse to the idea of Brain Surgury... but scared? NEVER!

I think I will try to make my updates at least once a week from now on. I might have somthing I want to say sometimes but once a week I plan on saying something. I want to make improvements and I have for awhile. I think I might have to look for help on how I set up the blog on line or somthing. I also need to set up Blogs for my daughter and her sister, as well as one for my neice. I already have one for my daughter,Jasmine, but now she wants video. All I ccan say is, "I'll try". Jasmine is still waiting for her doll house. Jasmine is too old for it but I think I will try to finish the doll house and post my progress If the surgury goes well.

Brain Surgery!

I am scheduled to get an implant to help control my tremors. They have gotten pretty bad. They are the main reason I have not updated this blog in months. It has become more effort than I have felt like giving.

I will try to do a better job of updating my blog now that I have decided to get the surgery. There may be people that are interested in how in how I am doing. Hopefully I will even be able to make some of the improvements to my blog. Maybe someone who is considering the surgery can be informed by my experiences.

Let me describe the surgery. I will get two (diodes?) implanted in the front part of my brain. I have to be awake the entire time. they need me to be able to tell them if how I feel. After they are done they are done doing that thy will put me out (thank god) and implant the control device in my chest. I think I am scheduled for the 2 0f October.

I am also scheduled to change my MS medicine on August 30. I have to speak with my neuro ( neurologist..... get hip!). There may be possible complications I want to be aware of.

O.K. I have been layin' some heavy stuff on you so I will end this entry with a Joke.

Why did the chicken cross the road?


To get to the other side. You probably should have seen that coming

Jasmine plays the piano

Time for changes!

I need to make drastic changes. I am talking about changes in my life as well as changes on this, my humble little web log. I want to add video as well as a slidshow of my pictures to my blog. I have been toying with the idea of linking some of the free web bloging pages together. I should be able to do what I want but I don't know why I can't.I need a secratary!My daughter is sitting next to me. I guess she wants to use the computer. I was going to make a long and drawn out speech about how life sucks and how I need a girlfreind. Yet again my readers have gotten lucky. I have to watch what I write. There are youngins around... Changes are coming or my name isn't CRAZILYNSANE (actually its James E Childs Jr.)

Time for an update

I guess it's time for an update. It is probably past time. I have been on line a lot I just haven't felt like making any updates. I met a girl on line last week. She looks good too(It is not everything but I'd be a liar If I said it didn't count). I was chating with her for awhile. I haven't heard from her since though.

I hung out with my boys Saterday. We went out to a strip bar to celebrate my freind shawn getting maried. All I can say is, "Damn!" The funny thing is my freind Sal said it wasn't as good as the time when we went on my birthday. He told Shawn's fiance "I want a do over!" (uh-o)

My freind Mark got really drunk. I haven't seen him for 13 years. He was out of control. We were almost at the club but he said he had to piss. we stoppped under a bridgge and instead of just getting out of the car and going next to the pillar he ttried to climb away from the car falling down the whole time. We took two cars. When a police car pulled up behind sal who was behind us I could have swore we were all going to jail. The drivers were not drinking but everybody else was. The cop was behind Sal who was behind us. My brother Jeremy was telling John the driver "go,go,go!" we just drove away. If cop followed us he followed us. He didn't

If we go again Mark is not going. I have only told part of the story... If we do get a do over he is not going. I thought I was going to jail.

When Doves Cry

Dig if you will a picture...

"Damn I love prince."

I am listening to Prince right now, so if you don't know at least act like you do. It isn't too often that I could say that about another man. I just feel like I know him from his music. I was a wannabe musician for years before I lost the ability to play. I still have dreams. I still have the theory and I read music. If Beethoven could do it after he was deaf I could do it. with the modern equipment I think it might be possible.

It looks like it's going to be a lonely Valentine's Day. I haven't really talked to a woman romantically in a while. (I'm not gonna tell you. Don't ask.)

I'm working on my business plan right now. I have a few ideas I'm going to look into.

1. Construction contractor business
2. A DJ service
3. A music Label

I like all of the ideas for different reasons. I haven't chosen any thing yet. This will be the place to find out what I decide. Maybe I will decide to do all three.

I hate technology..I love technology

I have been listening to Ken radio's world tech round up. http://www.kenradio.com/ The world really is getting smaller. I am impressed with all the changes that are coming. For instance... I want an Iphone! I don't know if I would be able to use it to the full extent of it's capability. I really should concentrate on finding a way to make a little money. It's just that the tech stuff is...well, almost sexy. If I could find a nice nerdy chick I think I'd be set.lol

I have been toying with the idea of starting a construction company. I want to concentrate on the business end of the work and contract out the labor. I want to put in lifts,elevators, and ramps. I want to make existing homes handicapped accessible. I have a few things I need around my own house.

I'm still in the business plan stage. I want to do so much. I would love to make my business into the the new millennium with some of the new tech.

These kids I got hanging around me are going to expect diner soon. I guess I better get to work on it.

Hmmmm...

I am still trying to get the screen saver put on the blog. So far I have only been able to put a link to them in the crazy's links section of my blog. I don't think I even have that much space to put pictures. I only have a free account with flickr http://flickr.com . As usual I have a Little I still need to learn. I need handicapped accessible computer equipment. I get tired to easily as it is now. I lost my 1 gb flash drive with some of my pictures on it some where too. It's somewhere around here, all I need to do is find It. That's harder than it sounds.

Pictures!

I planed on making today the day I added a slide show to my blog. I'm not sure about the best way now. I have a flickr account, but I'm not sure it would be better than using Picasa the Google owned company. I am thinking that the Picassa or Google owned software will work better with my Google hosted blog on Blogger. I'll have to ask someone...

I also want to personalize my blog with video and pictures in the template. I'm not really a computer person but I'll figure something out

getting it together!

I'm trying to get my life together. I have been for a long time. I want to:

1. Get my living space neat and organized.
2. Get the kids neat and organized.
3. Get the Lilly situation under control. :-(
4. Come up with a better plan for dealing with the kids' mother.
5. find a way to make some money.
6. Make my blog better.
7. Get a Date! *<:-p

Cleaning up will not be as easy as it sounds. I have health issues and I tire easily. I don't really walk that well. I plan on doing the job over a week. Just getting motivated to try has been a problem for me for a while now.

The kids rooms should be easier. I just have to bark orders and look mean.

Lilly is still having problems. The toileting accidents may be a biological problem. I am not sure. My mother has been trying to get Lilly to a doctor but Lilly is uninsured.

This was covered by medicare(Medicaid?). My mother makes too much as her joint legal guardian to qualify for that. We can't get insurance with out the kids' birth certificates. Their mom is dragging her feet about supplying them. I think she is worried about loosing them permanently. She may be right.

I need a plan for dealing with Cindy. She likes to think she is the only one with a brain. She takes advantage of my generous and care free nature. ;-) Not this time. I have responded wrongly to her in the past.

I need money! Everybody wants a piece of my little SSI check. I'll figure something out.

My blog will get a flickr screen saver http://www.flickr.com/explore/ I am also adding more links. I may change the diary style format to something more useful. suggestions are welcome. Just click the comments link after this entry and leave a message.

I am too nice.

I let the grandparents of the two kids pick up my kids today. It was about an hour ago. Cindy the kids mother was supposed to pick them up, but when the time came for them to get picked up, their paternal grandfather showed up.

I shouldn't have let them go with him. They were all ready to go and they just left without me saying anything. There is a court order Thar says I need to get a clean drug screen before the children go anywhere, but I just let them go.

It will not happen again. I am tired of it. I have done more than I should. They will not take advantage of me again. Cindy has the habit of doing that. I will not let it bother me. We will handle this in court.

I don't know.

I am not sure if Lilly my step daughter is just lazy or if she is really mentally handicapped. She is seven and she can't read at all. I go over the rules but she does not seem to get it. I am going to print out some flash cards and see if that helps. My ex may have done something to her during her pregnancy. She is developmentally behind in any case.

I have been trying to meet people but no one seems to be interested in talking to me. The whole disabled thing is a MOTHA'. I won't go into it except to say disability can be lonely.

I didn't have much to say. Hopefully I will be more inclined to write next time.

I wil not get angry...I will not get angry...

Are you guys ready. My complaints are many today. I don't want to but I feel like I have to...complain. I think I was born to do it. Life just ain't far! I'll keep it to a minimum.

I had a Friend help clean the down stairs of my mothers house. It is a lot better than it was. He still is not finished. He will be here soon ( that means I have to go soon, ya lucky duck). He is starting up a cleaning/ janitorial company. Shawn, my friend has experience doing that type of work. His father has his own business. He and I both worked there when we were in our teens.

I am thinking about starting my own company too. I want to make homes handicapped accessible. I might try to do business or commercial work too. I know there must be a market out there for it. I'm disabled myself.

I am not sure I could get the money together to start something like that up. I might even want to get into real estate.

I don't know. I need to write a business plan. I use to be a carpenter so I can see it might be possible. I know I will not be the one swinging any hammers though.

So close yet so far away...

I think I have a general idea about what I want to do with my blog but I just can't seem to get it to work. I am looking into AdSense, photo slide shows, and maybe a few feeds from some of the Internet sites I like like Google or MSN. I am also worried about leaving my computer open to hackers or someone with evil intentions.

So far so good. I'm trying to be careful.

I may need to break down and hire someone to increase my blog size and capability. I am just doing the blog thing for fun but if it has my name attached to it it should be something worth having.

Hopefully I will be able to preserve some of my artistic type control over this project. It goes without saying that it's gotta be cheap.

Still learning...

I have some drastic changes I want to make to my blog but I want to make sure I do it right. I'm looking at adding video but I'm not sure how. I don't know which way to go. U tube or video Google. They are both Google now, right? I am going to have to start asking questions. I don't have a video camera yet anyway.

I'm still trying to add a slide show of some of my favorite pictures to my blog. I was also looking into editing my blog with an ad on to word. I found out somewhere that the add on doesn't work with Blogger Beta. Just like usual I am a day late and a dollar short on that one.

I had some ideas that I thought could improve my humble blog. I have already mentioned the video and the slide show. A list of my favorite movies or activities might be nice. I also think I want to add to my daughters blog. I'm just thinking... Since I got MS I have a lot of time to ponder the big questions.

Her shoes are tied!

I deserve a medal or an award or something. After a month and a half of trying Lilyiana my step daughter has tied her shoes. I changed the steps a little and something clicked. She got it.

Now we need to work on the toilet problems and her listening problem and we should be looking pretty good.

I guess making sure the girls get raised properly gives me purpose. I get angry when I see them not living up to their potential. I don't want to be a slave driver, but they must understand that there are standards. Hopefully we will achieve a healthy balance. I plan to try and be there so we do.

MS has changed my life but the game isn't over.

Ticked off + P.O.'ed as usual.

I just came inside from trying to get the leaves up with the lawn tractor. The grass catcher was not working. I was mechanically inclined but I avoid any type of physical work now. Getting off the tractor and fixing the problem is not an option.

I have also been trying to get my STEP daughter Lilly how to Tye her shoe laces. She just doesn't seem to get it. I'm not sure if she is slow or if is because she will not pay attention. I'm not sure if I should call her my daughter or not. She is not blood she is my daughter's sister. I do have custody of her. Her mother may never get them back. I wish she would stop lying about it. ...I have to change the subject.

This blog will be better if it kills me (it might). I am trying to add a picture slide show and a link to Items I might sell on eBay. I'm still working on it.

Bills bills,bills

A bill for $3,000 dollars came to me in the mail yesterday. I had to a double take when I saw it. I can remember it like it was yesterday...(it was)

3,000 dollars! Do they mean pesos? What is the exchange rate?

I still have a headache.

I have been doing a little research today. I'm going to add a slide show to my blog. I might even try to put some video on it. After I changed to blogger beta It is easier to make changes, but I still have problems.

I'm not sure how much space on the blog. I think video would eat up a lot of space. I don't know how to make my google calander accesable on my blog.

I would also like too add a family history blog and a chess blog.

Chess is one of my hobies. I am ok but I'm not as good as I once was. I think it might be because of the whole M.S. thing. I was just good I was never the best. I guess it's relative. Among real chess players I was never the best.

The problblem with being James

The problem with being James is I always have something to complain about. I think I bring a lot of my problems on myself, or I make them worse. Life has not been fair to me in any case. I mean I didn't plan for the MS thing at all.

You could make the argument that I should have been better prepared with insurance and financialy. I did not accomplish much in my life so far. My family cituation should have been better I know.

I have two kids now and I need to think for them as well as myself. I know all of this but I don't know how. The answers just elude me.I can not really take care of myself.

Jasmine my oldest and biological daughter seems to be adjusting well. She is 12 years old and very opinionated. She got four A's and three B's on her last report card. I am taking all the credit for that one. Thank You. I made a blog for her at http://jasmines-links.blogspot.com/ .
I suppose Lilly will want one too now.

Lillianna (Lilly) has been having problems. She turns seven on Jan. 1. She has already failed kindergader and is not potty trained. I don't know if somthing may have happened to her or If she is just a product of the neglect that happened at her mothers house. She may have a biologic problem.

Lilly is not my daughter biologicly. I think she has started to call me DADDY. I am O.k. with that but I'm not sure I heard her correctly. I asked her once but she didn't repeat it. Jasmine may not like it. she always refers to me as her daddy.

Two kids!

After the court hearing yesterday I gained custody of my exgirfriends two kids. Only one of the children is mine. I am not sure wether to be happy or not. Two kids is more than I can really handle by myself with my disability. I am lucky to have my mothers help.

I appeciate my mothers help,but now she has most of the say about how they are raised. I gave her joint custody of both of the children. It wouldn't care except she has ideas concernig them that I don't always agree with. I didn't have a good enough position to object when she suggested that she be granted joint custody.

She was in the courtroom because she gave me a ride there. I am living in her house and am dependant on her. I was lucky she didn't ask for more.

I wished too hard.

My daughters social worker will be coming over tomorrow. We will be discussing taking my daughter and her sister out of their mothers house.

Apparently their mother has a drug problem. I have been fueling the problem. I give Cindy their mother a little extra money out of my social security check evry month. I felt I had too. The amount i was reqired to pay every month was not that much.

I am only the father of one of the two girls. I don't want the sisters split up, but they may have to be. i am not really sure can taecare of them even if I get cstody of both of them.

Just Bored...

I'm just bored. I must be. I am adding to my blog. I have had plans on making this blog a more interesting space. I also wanted to create a family history blog. I am not getting the help from my daughter I was hoping for. I get tired too easily. Typing one handed sucks.

Jamine my daughter starts school this month. I need too keep an eye on her. She really diusapointed me last year. I have had a talk with her, and I think she is going to try to do better. If I see any sign that she is not doing what she needs too I'm going to have to take drastic measures. I don't know what exactly.

I'm tired already. It is 5 am. I should have known. I have crazy sleep paterns, but this is extreme even for me. Maybe I'll have a dream. Ialways prefer to be perpendicular to the square. (Imaginary space or imaginary numbers) I doubt it. I will have to mention this with my dr.

Why does everything have to be hard?

I'm not going to complain about my hopeless existance, I swear. I was just wondering that's all.

I am in the process of burnig cd's and having my songs converted to a format compatable with my ipod. It is aggrivating and that is putting it mildly. Not only is it a waste of blank cd's, it is also time consuming. There has to be an easier way. I should have known it was too good to be true. I thought I was going to have istant access to all of the songs on my PC on my ipod. It advertiseed as bieng compatible. It is not completely compatable.

It would have been nice to know.

I am going to Texas for the family reunion on my mothers side. I live in Virginia so it will be a long trip. We are going to drive. It would be nice to take my songs with me.

Other than that, I dont have much to say ( HOORAY! )

My MS symtoms are about the same. I was thinking it would be nice to have a secratery. I wouldnt have to worry about my spelling, or the gramatical mistakes I know I make. I'll just put my daughter to work. I'll even pay her.

Why am I always angry?

I can't have anything! My team lost the NBA championship yesterday. It's not my team really, but I did pick them to win. That is almost just like it. I like to at least appear to know what I'm talking about. All I wanted to do was watch a good game and drink a few beers with my brother, but fair is fair. I do not cosider the game I watched last night a fair game. I guess It is just another grievance I have with life in general.

I swear I can't have anything (Did I al ready say that?). The whole MS thing is bad enough(Prepare yourself...im going to start complaining). I have double vision and my jump around like...well im not sure how to explain it. My balance and coordination are nonexistant. My right hand and left foot are worse then my left hand and right foot. Wouldn't you know it Im rigght handed. Iam typing this post with my left hand. I can't really use voice recognition software because of my speach problems. "AURGHHHH!".

Im finished with my tyraid so I guess my many fathful readers can relax now. That wasn't that bad was it?

I need to come up with a plan. I need an idea so dareing and brilliant that I could still acomplish all of the goals I set for myself before I was diagnosed with MS. My daughter will be financially takeken care of, I will make great and thought provoking music, and I might actually get a date, or dare i say it ... a girlfriend.

At least I can still dream...