That was easy...

I reposted my blog with better colors just now. Nothing to it...

I might not post again for awhile. I am giving this computer to my daughter. I don't know when I will be able to get my computer online. I will be sharing an internet connection and I am not sure when that will be hooked up.

I am a little stressed about giving my daughter a computer. She is only 10 and I want her to be monitored. She may not know how to take care a computer, especially a computer that will be connected to the internet. She lives with her mother so I will not be able to watch her myself. If the computer crashes or something how will it get fixed? I started a blog that she might find it fun to maintain. That made me think about my other major worry.

My other concern I have is about the predators on the internet. I hope I will be able to keep anything bad from happening. I know of a few programs that will allow me to monitor her from my computer. The programs can be easily overridden by someone with a little computer knowledge. My daughter probably knows more about computers than I do. I'm not sure what I would do if someone tried to take advantage of her.

Actually I do know what I would do. Some things are better if left unsaid. That is the rash behavior that always gets me into trouble.

I'm thinking.........

I was thinking about what I should do with my blog. It is a little boring and I don't like the colors. The puke green isn't working for me. I don't even have any pictures. I have a lot of work to do but I'm still not sure what I want to do with my blog. I could turn it into a space that would show case my my musical talent if I could get my music recorded into a MP3. I could make It into a forum for people living with MS. I am sure that people living with MS have a lot to say. I could make this a stop in a web ring for people suffering from MS. Maybe It could even be a non-profit site to help raise money to fight MS. It would be great if I could combine all of these ideas. I will think of something, eventually.
O.k. now I guess it is time for me to start complaining.
I had an appointment with the Department of Social Services today. I applied for social security. I have already applied for disability but I was turned down 3 times. then I let my application die with out trying for a reconsideration, again. I am no longer eligible for disability because I don't have enough credits paid into the social security system. I haven't worked in two years. The old catch 22. I can expect an answer for social security within 180 days.
After I left the social security office I went and got an appointment with a psychologist. The retraining program that I am trying to get into wants to know If I will be safe to put into their program. I said that I get depressed sometimes when I had an interview with them. Don't I have a right to be depressed?
It is my own fault. I did get a little crazy back in '95. I guess they want to be safe. I wasn't going to hurt anybody but myself. I won't go into it now.
Another complaint I have is about my music. I can really play (If I do say so myself). I worry about my music though. I can already feel some of my ability to play slipping away. I have to get my music recorded before it is too late.
I guess I have said all that I have to say. I will post again latter. Have a nice day. (LOL)

Today is a good day

I think today is a good day. I haven't done anything special, but I now my daughter is coming over for a visit. I get two weekend visits a month and a week during the summer. I haven't been getting my phone visits with her. I am going back to court next month to get that straightened out. I better think about that now, I might ruin my good day. Today is not half of the way over but I know it will be ok because I know my daughter will be here soon. I don't have the energy to keep up with her but it makes me feel good to try.
I think my mother "gramma," wants to take us out to the movies tonight. She wanted to see A Series Of unfortunate Incidents. I think that's the name of the movie. Jim Carey stars in it. We should all have a good time. We all like the movies.
I don't really have much to say today. I just thought it was about time for me to right something down.
I would like to say a few words to describe my daughter. She is a really good kid. She got 3 A's and 2 B's on her last report card. The two B's were really close to being A's. She made a point to remind me of this when I congratulated her for making such good grades.
She will be getting a computer for Christmas. It will be the one I am typing on right now. Its a nice computer. It Is about 2 and 1/2 years old. I do have to make sure it will be ready for her by Christmas. I also need to get a copy of MS word to give her. I lost word when the computer crashed. I have a copy that came with the computer around here somewhere. I need to find that.
Jasmine's mother was talking about getting internet service when I was talking to her last. I'm not sure if my daughter is ready for that. I would like to be able to have video chat with her. I'm just worried because I don't know what happens when the computer has a problem or when she starts to see everything that is online.
I am probably just worried for no reason. Its what I do. Until next time see me latter (and everyone else who likes to know about what I have been up too).

More of the same

Life is just full of surprises. I get tired of jumping through hoops. I am currently trying to get into a program that will help retrain me for employment. To get into this program I have to go see a psychologist ,which will cost me money I don't have ( I haven't worked in 2 years ), and I will also need to go to the unemployment office for proof of that fact.
I hate the government! I have been turned down for social security three times. It's because I'm so young ( I'm 30 ). Oh, well life goes on. The game ain't over yet.
I want to create a web site where I could distribute my music. There is so much I need to say. Music is the best way for me to express it. It is getting harder for me to play but I can read music and I am more of a studio musician anyway. Midi is my friend! ( computer music ) I am not really even worried about making any money. As I said before, I have things I need to say.
I also have thought about writing something but that seams more like a dream than a possibility. I don't seem to be able to remember my grammar well enuf ( have you noticed? )In one idea I had for a story I had a Dr. Dean Ladison who was working for a cure for a disease that had become rampant during some time in the near future. It was not fatal but it did affect a woman's reproductive organs. She would become pregnant with clones of a mad scientist who created the disease. To make things more interesting I would make Dr. Ladison Afro-American and a product of the disease. He Is desperately seeking a cure. He has felt unwanted his entire life. His loving parents would be white. There is an interesting story in there somewhere I think
Until next time ...........Latter. I will post again in about a week or when I just feel like I need to scream. This post is me yelling as loudly as I can.

Angrier and Frustrated

I Just now tried to make a post. Angry and Confused. I messed up some how..............The story of my life. I am not exactly the most technical person. I also have Ms. That is my new catch all excuse for everything. "Opps sorry, I have Ms."
I have been a grade A screw up for much of my life so I'm not sure how much Is really the MS. It seems like I always am messing something up. I used to hang out in the street , smoke weed, and chase girls. That was my life. I miss it sometimes. I made some real changes after I broke up with my daughters mother. The lifestyle I had enjoyed came to an end. Looking back now I know that my ex and I were never meant to be together,but I still shouldn't have treated her like that. It took me awhile to figure it out. I had five years in prison to think about it. I got out of prison and she wanted to get back together, but I knew where that road ended. I still love her though. Its confusing sometimes.
The worst thing I am dealing with now is the MS. All the trials that I had and now this. Life Is definitely not fair. I had made real changes and I had planed to do a better job of being a father And this MS hit me. Life is great ain't it?
I am using this blog to vent so I might say anything. I feel like I have a lot to be angry about. My daughter was here today and we were supposed to go to the Movies but I couldn't find my cane. I cant go anywhere without it. I really need a walker but I am resisting that. I am only 30 years old! I am about to finish this post and lay down. I think I might be too angry to say what I want to. There is always next time......

MY LIFE WITH MS

This is not the first time I have tried to post a blog, but hopfully it will be the first time I am sucesful. I have been under a lot of stress due to my health condition and I decided a few months ago.
What is my health question you may ask. Two years ago I was diagnosed with MS.(Thats Multiple sclerosis for all those who dont know) I have been trying to learn to deal with having this disease but some days are better then others. So far so good. Writing this blog should help me cope with my disabilities. I always felt sorry for the disabled and now I get to find out how it feels to be one. I'snt life funny?

O.k. let me list my disabilities:

1. Myvision is Impared. - I have trouble focusing and double vision.
2. My balance is off - I have problems getting around. Where would I be with out walls?)
3. Cognitive problems - Mymemory i'snt what it used to be and somtimes I get confused.

I have more problems but I really just wanted to give you the reader an idea of whatproblems I am having. I will go into more detail latter. It makes me angry to think about it, So quite bugging me about it! Ok?( who me?)

Well hopfully this will work. (crossing fingers) It may help deall with my anger over this whole situation. I plan to vent my anger here as much as possible and maybe tell you (the reader more about myself until then take care and be safe.